Thinking of Skyros

I did not want to leave Skyros.
Three weeks were not enough.

On my last night, I went to Korfari, the little bar by the sea, run by Dimitris, an interesting guy to say the least. 5-6 locals and me. This is what they do when the tourists have gone and winter is coming. We spent the night youtubing and drinking wine. Everyone contributed a song. We DJed altogether. I sung for them. I was always amazed by the Skyrians' good taste for music. Blues, rock, soul, they all know very much about music and they are passionate about it. The Skyrians are generous, talkative people and they know how to have a good time.

Dizzy as I was from the wine, before I went to bed, I decided to walk on the beach one last time. The sea was calm and the stars were shining bright. As Clio put it, a romantic night with myself. I contemplated all these fine moments on the island. New friends. New experiences. Beautiful images. I also said goodbye to Adonis. All the things we did
together on this island three years ago. Life goes on. I was emotional, but with a sweet feeling that will always come to me when I think of Skyros.

Six o clock in the morning I was up again. I had a long way ihead of me. Four hours of sleep and I still managed to come home safely. I guess I' not so old yet, I can handle it, he he!

I want to say a special thank you to Clio, my new French best friend. She gave me two riding lessons, but I learned even more, spending time with her everyday. She is only 24 but she is a great teacher. She builds confidence in you and the horse. She is very intuitive with horses. But intuition is useless without knowledge. She has worked hard, she has studied and travelled for years. As the years go by, I can see her blossoming into a charming lady, who knows a lot about horses. I am a bit jealous that she found her path so early in life.

I'll never forget our road trip on the mountains of Skyros. Our walk to the beach were Dimos drowned. Our night out in the village until 7 in the morning. Our HUGE breakfasts at 9 in the morning, when fresh bread arrived. We could not move because we ate too much. Her motivation in cleaning the farm. Every day was a new project. Every day was full of laughs and smiles. Everyday was an adventure.

Sweet Georgie, the 19 year old volunteer from Brighton, UK, who knew
a lot about poneys. Always eager to help, always with a smile on her face, always wearing shorts in cold nights, making the old ladies in the village cross themselves as she passed by! One day she worked with Pyrros and made him jump! Here is a lovely picture of the two of them...

I miss Ruth's laugh! The way she used to talk and joke about almost everything... having to repeat herself because I could not understand what she said! Ruth, darling, make sure you tell me the whole sentence next time! You were strong and eager to help, hope we meet someday in the future...

I cooked for the girls everyday. Spinach with rice. Chickpea soup. Trachanas with feta cheese. Pastitsio. Cockerel in wine with pasta. Brocoli and cauliflour au gratin. Pasta bolonaise with pepers from the garden. Rocket salad with cherry tomatoes and walnuts from the garden.
Dimos's garden was alive and producing. My speciality became a sweet I call salami. Chocolate with biscuits inside. when you cut it, it looks like salami. One day, I found an aubergine that looked like a chicken! It went into a pasta sauce, but will be here for eternity, as I took a picture of it!

My body got stronger and my skin darker. October was hot in Skyros.

Every morning, 7.30, we would go out to the field. The ponies were waking up. The stallions were waking up. The sky would be pink. The moon was out there. As I went into the field, a pony would come and say hello. I would hug and kiss the pony on it's nose. The nose of a horse is soft and tender.

For a couple of days I was saying goodbye. To the cats. Hitler, Hunter, Charlie, Martha, Mary, Stachti and the rest. We buried Muesli. He died a few days before I left. I found him just as he was leaving for his next life. Goodbye to Heidi, the goat. I'll miss you. Goodbye to the mares.
Sylvia, Kaya, Marika, Milly, Nefeli, Glyka, Clio, Lavender, Georgia... Goodbye to the stallions. Victor, Apollon, Ermis, Dias, Dimos... Goodbye Pyrros and Ira, the big horses... I wish I had more time to remember all 38 horses and all 15 cats with their names. Goodbye to the dogs, Ruba, Chara, Filio. Goodbye chickens, thanks for the food! Goodbye to all the strange creatures of nature, especially this praying mantis that looked like a piece of wood... He was scary, but beautiful...

It was indeed strange being in the farm without Amanda and Stathis. I missed all the conversations I had with Amanda. But then again, it was a different experience.

My last night on the island. My last morning on the porch of their house. My last sunrise. Waves gently touching the shore. Going out of the house, thinking you will hear the traffic. But all you hear is the waves. Last moments. For now. Next time, I promised myself a vacation on Skyros. Not working, just enjoying the beach, the people and the wine.

I drove back. Alone with Freeda in the car. Aretha Frankin. Etta James. Loud music. The sense of freedom. I am driving myself home. I have to thank myself for the gifts I am giving me. Being alone and strong. I deserve the joy. I deserve life. I deserve the things that make me laugh. No more compromising. No more waiting for help from out there somewhere.

I miss them already. The people, the animals and the smells. The harsh earth beneath my feet. The warm sun in my face. The stars. The sea. I
miss them all. I'll come back, I promise.

question

I am angry these days. Angry and stressed. Remember when I said yes to a voluntaly job in a gallery? Well I want to stop working there. I want to have time to organize my lessons, start sewing again, start my driving lessons, finish my book... The gallery is taking too much of my time. And this is eating me. Swallowing me like a monster. I want to scream, to say "enough" and the words just don't come out of my mouth.

This is not unfamiliar. In fact, it is the commonest pattern of my life. Back in Italy I could not say "enough" to Lorenzo. Back in Skyros, I could not say "enough" when I was tired. Back in the days when I had normal jobs, I could not say "enough" to my bosses.

And this word becomes the monster. "Enough". The monster with the burning eyes. If I dare utter it, it will not only destroy me, it will destroy everything I have succeded so far.  It might be simple, yes. When you are dancing outside the circle. When you are in the circle it is different. Difficult.

I do know, that once I have done it, it will seem like a ballon which has lost all it's air.

So why is it so difficult every single time? I will never stop wondering.

travelling in the city, working, living

 Weather report. Grey sky, temperature down.

My need to travel is there. I try to remind myself I have decided to do it according to a plan. I am going to do it when the time comes. Like a small child I am impatient. Slow down kid, you will get your sweet sooner or later.

These days teaching takes part of my time and I enjoy it more than I thought. The more you do it, the more you relax and give out your true self. I am lost in the stories of the past, the anecdotes of art history, I try to make my class interesting and not dry. They seem to like it. At least I like it. I'm so greatful for that chance I got!

I'm also a volunteer in a gallery. It's not easy being a volunteer anymore. But... It keeps me busy. It gets me out of the house. But... I need the money. But... I can't work for free. But... I can't use all that knowledge and time and not expect something in return! All the "but s" are there. I try not to moan. Everything is my choice. I know my worth and I'll do it for as long as I please.

There is no internet in the gallery. So I sit down and write my book. Listen to music. Not many visitors yet, so I get a lot of time alone.

For the last couple of weeks I take care of a stray. He is very much like Freeda. Black with white toes and chest. He is young but a giant. Every morning he welcomes us in the park and they play like dogs do. I'm so glad Freeda has a friend! The rest of the dogs do not play, they are just strays, afraid of people, afraid of other dogs... but he is different, a sweetie, a real getleman. I hope I find him a home so I get the chance to see him every once in a while. Otherwise he might just dissappear and I will not know where he went. For the time being, I take care of him and I feed him.

My days are fine, busy and wonderful.

On volunteering

I have come across many volunteerning organizations on my search for new travels and adventures. Some ask for money. When I was volunteerning in Skyros people where asking me where did I find the horse farm. Did I find it through some organizastion? No I am myself's own organization. I found out about the farm in Italy through friends. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with organizations, but it does not suit my style at the moment.


When you ask around you find solutions you never thought of. And when the time comes you have the answers you need. As I opened myself to the possibility of going to Italy, the information came without a struggle. And now I'm thinking that Spain is a possible destination after Italy and before Africa. I will ask around. I will meet the right people at the right moment. I just have to trust my intuition.

Right now, there are lots of friends in Spain and people keep telling me that Spain is a lovely country. Will I find a place to volunteer or work there? I speak a little bit of spanish and spending some time there will help me practice the language.

Sometimes I feel I am the player of my own reality show. Like the Truman Show. Writing about my adventures and my personal struggles is the kind of exposure that makes you doubt sometimes. Who cares about me and what I go through? And then my other self answers that I might be an inspiration to some. My own struggle and doubt and courage might make others try and follow their own dream. My miserable self and my otpimistic self. Hello guys! I love you both! There is no need to fight! You are both there and I accept you. Feel free to mess around in my head! I will watch you. I will do what I need to do. See you later!