White truffles...

Oh, how I love the rain! It means I can sit and do nothing but think about my next post!

Lets talk about food. Again. Two days ago I ate something that I might not eat again in my life! White truffles in risoto. Fine smell, fine taste, a taste of something so delicate and pure... Lorenzo's family got given some pieces of white truffle and they were kind enough to share it with me. I am lucky! I make my own abundant reality...

Another special thing we ate some days ago was wild bore. A neighbor shot a young bore and he gave us some of it's meat. Jim, my favorite cook of all times cooked it on charcoals and it was so tender! There are a lot of bores around this area and they destroy gardens, so the farmers kill them and eat them. They are a special treat, because they are very difficult to catch...

Italy's tastes are special. Even if you are having simple pasta fr lunch, it is special because it tastes of proschiutto. Potatoes are roasted not with oregano, like the Greeks do, but with wild fennel flower buds. Even pumpkins are roastedlike potatoes in the oven. And they taste really good...

And of course the foccacia bread... Used plane instead of bread, or as a base for pizza... White, fluffy, salty, heavenly! Here it is:

4 cups of warm water
3 teaspoons of yeast
10 cups of flower
1 pinch of salt


You mix everything toghether in a dough and you leave in a bowl with a little bit of olive oil underneath to rise from one hour to seven hours, it depends when you want to cook it. You put in a tray and cook! It's that simple!

And then there are the sweets... Crustata is made with dough and jam, the greeks call it pasta flora. There is german apple strudel. There is greek rise pudding. There is cake made from egg-whites called angel cake. I cannot even recall all of them! Amazing deserts every night...

Three course dinners for one month. When you are working so hard, you are hungry all the time. And Jim never lets anyone down. Even when there were fifteen of us on the table, there would be enough food to feed an army... The army of the olive harvest! Lorenzo and Jim are spoiling us... How can you leave this place without a deep, loving memory of stomach fullfilling meals and great conversations around the table...


And last but not least, the gelato... Here in Tuscania they make the best ice-cream in the region. Another heavenly taste even on cold winter days... I'm dreaming of my next outing in town so I can have some more gelato...

Hope you're all having as much fun as I do!

What to do next

The last posts were a bit emotional. Lets call them a nervous break down! It happens sometimes. I was feeling a bit confused. Now the picture is clearer.

Yesterday it was raining so I got a bit of rest. Today it was a lovely day so we were back at picking olives. Everyone is tired and everyone wants the olive harvest to finish. It's going to finish soon. Looking back I enjoyed it immensely. It was something I had never done before in my life, and still I performed exeptionally well for a city girl. Plus, I gained enough knowledge about olives and olive oil. Plus I ended up coordinating everyone who came to help. I might have been a bit bossy, but I was an "I love you" bossy! Sorry guys! Now I am an expert at putting out the nets and crating olives from the ground! Now I am an expert at "dildoing" although I avoid it like anything.

Lorenzo has been kind enough to tell me I can stay here for as long as I like. Still I am looking at other possibilities. A little bit of good news. Today someone offered to give me a job! I can house-sit the neighbor's house from the 15th of December till the end of January! That means Christmas in a big country house with two dogs! Sounds interesting, huh? I can sit and write all day. And I don't have to do much. Otherwise, my options are:
a. To wait until another job comes up.
b. To volunteer somewhere else in Italy.
c. To volunteer in Spain.

I'll sleep on this information. I was convinced that something will come up moneywise. I'm happy!

Better feelings are the expressed feelings

The previous post was not about my father. It was about me and my perception of my father. He is a wonderful man who made me who I am. It is me that has the issue. It is my problem. It is all in my head. It is a matter of accepting my emotions. Of accepting I have an issue in the way I view the issue. I'm getting there.

I also expressed my feelings of fatigue to Lorenzo who understands my stress since he's been doing it for more than ten years. I have been a good worker. It's perfectly natural to feel tired. I was never used to so much physical work. And one month now we have been doing it over and over again. 420 trees done. 80 trees to go. I'll keep it up. And I'll find my way. I'll keep searching my feelings. I'll keep digging deep no matter how difficult it is.

It's just me. And then I'll see a rainbow...

Sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are not. That's life. It's a wonderful life and it would be very boring to be happy all the time. I have enjoyed the olive harvest. In fact, I had the time of my life. Up on the tree, down at the ground, sunny days, rainy days everyhting made me richer. It's probably easier to dig deep in your soul when you are closer to nature.

I am content and I know I am following my heart's path. That is why I bought myself a new hat!

Have a good day!

Approval

I have cut myself in two. That's what the Greeks say when they have worked so hard that they can barely stand on their own feet. I have cut myself in two. For what? To prove I can work so hard to be loved and accepted. To whom? To my father. He is always there. In my mind. I have to prove him everyday. See how hard I tried? See how much I can work? See how much I have done? I am living an extreme.

I cannot accept the fact that I will never be accepted. Everyone else accepts me and supports me. But not him. For him I am a failiure. For him I am nothing but a waist of time. So I try harder. So I work harder. So I try and try.

I am in the one of the most beautiful places I have seen. I am in the middle of my dream. And what do I do? I work myself to death. To prove I can do it. To prove to myself that this illlusion is true. I work myself to death for a trace of approval. It's very painful to admit it. Yet, If I don't admit it to myself, things will get even worse.

This, here now, is a turning point. I need to take care of the blisters in my hands and feet. This is the time to stop. Stop exhausting myself like this. I deserve better. Accept the fact that I will never be accepted. By this one person. All the changes I've gone through, all that I have become, all that I know, I owe to myself and noone else. I will mourn the fact that he will never accept me. I am already in mourning. I have a deep scar that needs to heal. I have to stop trying to impress him. I have to stop caring. I have to accept. I have to forgive. Enough. I am so tired. Tired of trying to prove I'm strong. I am. I don't want to break myself anymore.

I need a lighter job. And I have to be clear. I don't blame anyone. The people of the farm have been wonderful. It's only me. I am the one who broke myself. I am the one who made myself work so hard. I have done it to prove to the Almighty Him.

Sorry Elina. I'll see what I can do to make it better for you. I accept you. I want you to be warm, safe and comfortable. You have come a long way. You haved made changes. You are following your dream. You are on your heart's path. Don't let the patters of the past ruin it. Don't lose faith. Don't lose courage. I'll stand up for you. Don't cry. Please stop crying. It's gonna be ok. I love you.

PS. All photographs are taken in Assisi. Just to remind me how beautiful this trip was... And to remind me that I am a good photographer amongst other things...

Olive tiredness

At last, my body reacted to the tiredness of the olive harvest. Two days of fever. Another thing is that when your body is exausted, your creativity is low. In front of an empty post. What do I write? I'll write about dramatic skies. Sunrises and sunsets. And starry skies. And the moon.

A month in Italy. Why do I exhaust myself? Is it a kind of punishment? Is it that I haven't whined in a long time and I need to complain about something? I am looking for a new place to go. I can feel the circle closing. Lorenzo and his family have been really nice. They are kind and very funny. And very helpful.

I don't feel very creative today and I hope it's just a phase. I am commited to this blog and I don't want another week to pass without saying something. Meanwhile, here are some pictures of a sunset and the sunrise from my room. Nature is always creative. Only we, the people, create uncreative moments. I have been listening to my teacher Jonah. And I am contemplating on the patterns I follow. I work hard to be accepted. I feel I don't deserve to make money. Patterns I have learned.

I am a talented person and I still believe I don't deserve several things. Isn't that amazing? The way we are brought up? I'll keep working on these beliefs.

Looking on the bright side of life, I am in a beautiful place. I am surrounded by beautiful people. I was cared for when I was feverish. Everyday I wake up in nature and walk on the earth instead of asphalt. I am blessed because I do what others only dream of. And yet there is something that even I have to learn. There is a lesson here for me. I cannot see it yet. It is just a feeling of inconvenience. Where is this journey taking me? What depths and darknesses of my soul are there to be explored still?

The fact that I am alone helps me think. I have met some amazing people but upon their departure I am left with myself. To think. To feel. To discover.

There. My creativity is back. Thanks for reading.

Rain and hale!

Tuscania

Which means 3 days off from the olives. It was nice, I went into Tuscania and my muscles took a break from all the hard work!

Today I was alone with Lorenzo and some other worker who works here at the farm always. No singing, no talking... It wasn't as fun as it was with everyone else. But my prayers were answered! One of my best friends came back tonight! Rebecca and another girl who I haven't met yet are here! And, from what I hear, there's another girl coming for a day. And the very best news... one of my best friends from Greece is coming for a week to see how they pick olives!

Really good news, huh?

It's getting colder out here...

The weather I mean.

I haven't been on line for a week. Firstly because there was no itnernet and secondly because I was having fun! Even so I have been writing almost every day and I'll post everything at once.

Here we go...

8 November 2010

While the rain pours rhythmically on the roof of my wooden hut, I recall the day that finishes. Me and my best friends went to Viterbo. It was a cold rainy day and I dreaded the fact that we were going at the hot springs to have a bath. They were outdoors, inside a big field. That meant that we were going to strip down to nothing but our bathing suits in the cold. Where would we put our clothes? They would all get wet!

I decided to stop moaning in my head and see what would happen. I didn’t have to go in there if I didn’t want to… When we arrived there, we found a plastic chair and we could put our clothes under our umbrella. I took a deep breath… and run into the pool! And it was so hot! It was so soothing… for all our muscles which had been working so hard for the past three weeks… The sky was grey but we didn’t care. We wanted to stay in the hot water forever. We talked about nature and its amazing creations. No wander the Popes had taken this place for themselves… We stayed in the hot water for at least one hour. We were so hot when we got out, that we did not feel the cold anymore. It was actually nice to get out of there! What an experience… I exceeded myself by doing this. Now I know I am open to adventure…

And then we walked around the city of Viterbo. Another beautiful medieval city with tiny little roads and little surprises in every corner. Dark weather made everything look really authentic. It was a nice day out. It was sad to say goodbye to my best friends. They are continuing their trip until they go back to the States. I must say again that they are really charming and that I fell in love with them. Catherine and Rebecca, you will always be in my heart.

I took the bus back to town and now I am the only volunteer in the farm. Let’s see what happens from now on…

7 November 2010

I feel blessed. Maybe I’m repeating myself over and over again, but I do feel blessed tonight. Blessed to have met Rebecca and Catherine… Today it was Sunday and we didn’t pick up olives. We worked in the little shop that Lorenzo has in Tuscania. We canned the new oil, labeled it and wrapped it to be shipped. We spend a lot of time together with the girls. We walked around in town and had a gelato from heaven. And then we came back home and spend time sharing our stories. Singing little choir songs. Reading angel cards… Reading books and seeing photographs. They make me feel so alive and free to be myself!

Where was I hiding all these years? Where was the charming me I express these days? Meeting all these charming ladies and gentlemen make me realize that they mirror the charming lady I must be. My two friends wrote me a little letter saying that I inspire them. Isn’t that wonderful? And then they gave me a little – no. a BIG - gift. And Sarah from Canada left me her sweater. And Jennifer from Alaska gave me a card from her place and some chocolate. All these gifts from all these amazing, inspiring people… I don’t feel lonely. I just feel blessed. Because I was not scared of following my dream. Because I was not scared to dream.

Tomorrow is the last day I’m spending with my two new friends. We are going to explore a nearby city called Viterbo. We are hoping to have a bath in the hot springs. After all this hard work, we deserve a bath! We will sure have fun and I’ll tell you all about it when we get back!

6 November 2010

The olive trees are ruining the soles of my shoes. My rubber soles rub against the wood and they are slowly tearing apart. It could be more useful to climb the tree barefoot, but it’s either too wet, or too cold to take my shoes off. So I’m scattering pieces of my soles around the property. I could say I’m leaving pieces of my soul on the property. It is so contradictory to have so much fun and yet have all your muscles hurt every night… I guess when you’re doing what you want to, tiredness is not an issue.

The olive harvest will probably finish in a couple of weeks. I am now looking into the possibility of finding a paid job for a month, or even into Christmas. I have already started asking around for a job. I don’t want to leave Italy yet. I’d like to stay here for a little longer. I will definitely be here for my birthday on the 21^st of December. I might go to the South, where it’s probably warmer.

At the moment the weather is warmer than it was when I first got here. In the middle of the day the sun is burning. I love it. And my new friends… the girls… the stars on the sky every night… The pink sunrises and the red sunsets… the horses! We are currently picking olives in one of the horse fields. They are very curious and they come to see what we are doing. All the souls in the farm just live happily together. And we, the people are living together. Lorenzo’s home is always full of guests, interesting guests with interesting backgrounds. Conversation around the table is never boring…

When people ask me where I would like to go next, I say I don’t know. I’ll see where the flow takes me… Have a good night.

5 November 2010

Olives are hard work. But two friends are here. Katherine and Rebecca. All day we climb trees and sing and laugh hysterically. It’s like I’ve known them forever. They are my best friends at the moment. Wonderful, sweet, funny ladies. It’s the people that make life wonderful. We share our stories. And our music and cultures.  And then we eat. Hard work makes you hungry! One day it’s pizza. The next day it’s soup. And then there is pasta with mussels and shrimps. How can you resist a second and then a third serving? And these handmade potato buns from heaven… I might have had five. When I took the fifth, I had such a quilty face we just laughed hysterically! For about half an hour! Everybody just looked at us… We are such laughers….  The food is so good we can’t stop. No leftovers, that’s the rule!

Every day I just love to climb on trees! You can sit on their branches and they are all very welcoming. You clean the branches from the olives and then you climb higher. For more olives. When you are not using the “Dildos” you use hand rakes and you’re brushing the branches. And you can talk with your girlfriends!

Raining outside, burning inside

While it's raining outside, there is a lot of love inside. Loving energy, people with open mind and hearts. Wonderful strong ladies who question everything and are really strong and powerful.

These past few days we had many new people on the farm - mostly ladies-  in their late twenties, early thirties. I find it amazing how they have their own farms in the United States. It takes a lot of courage to farm, because farming involves a lot of body strength. Yet, these young people love the earth, respect the earth and try and treat it right.

So here we are, still picking up olives when it's not raining. It's fun to harvest olives with friends! We all work together and then go and eat these big lunches and dinners that Jim makes for us! And we all have lots of laughs and amazing conversations. I'm learning so much about farming and I'm trying to keep track of all the States that make up the United States! I'm so confused... The USA is so big, it's even bigger than Europe. I guess that, apart from farming I'm learning a little bit of geography too! Yes, our life is the people we meet and it's the humans you meet that make a difference.

And now a little bit information on "the Dildos". Since all we speak about during the olive harvest is "the Dildos", I might as well give you a little bit of information about them. "The Dildos" are two big, long mechanical devices which vibrate. They give the olive trees a massage and the olives fall on the nets set up on the ground. Whoever is using them is getting a lot of exersise - to put it nicely! So at the end of the day, all your arm muscles are husting so much, you can't even lift your hands! That's why we called them "The Dildos"!

Back from Assisi

Wow! I'm having a fantastic time out here!

Yesterday, we left Tuscania with Meg, Logan and Tim for Assisi. She got us a mini Cooper, one of those new ones, you know? It was white and sooo cute! Of course it was too small to fit 4 people and their luggage and we were packed in there but, who cares! It was like we were starring in an Italian movie and we were the stars - A Greek and three American youngsters. We stuck like glue and it felt like I was with friends I knew for ages... So we headed for Assisi and we were told it's the most holy place in all Italy. Although I consider myself to be spiritual rather than religious, it was all I expected. The town was built on a hill and it was overlooking a valley. We walked in the streets and had a capuccino in the bright hot sun...

We talked a lot and we laughed a lot and we had the most wonderful dinner with pasta and black truffles! I don't think I had black truffles before and these were very very cheap, I mean, 9 euros for gnocchi with gorgonzola and black truffle??? I call that cheap. Two bottles of red wine and... around the dinner table we talked about... everything! Food, sexuality, spirituality, emotions, senses... It's like people connect over nice wine and nice food. I feel I'm in a path of self-exellency... Parallel lives which come toghether to share and explore and learn more about things they never even thought of. I felt young and full and rich - maybe wealthy is a better word!

In Assisi you see nuns in their nun outfits driving trucks and mopeds and every single one of them will smile at you and say "ciao!" or "buongiorno!". Religion aside, its the most spiritual city I've ever been too. There is serenity and beauty... When we finished dinner we joked about going to the disco and dancing but everyone was too tired to do that. but, what we wished for was just there. People dancing in the streets and playing the drums and it turned out to be a festival of young fransiscans having fun on the streets! We asked for a party and there it was and we walked straight in it! Now that is what I call creating your own reality...

Anyway, next morning we visited the Basilica of St Francis where he was buried and down at his tomb there was this aura of a little holy guy (sorry if I'm offending anyone, that's not what I mean) who loves animals and nature and he is as holy as we all are.

Purchase

It was wonderful. And these friends are going to stay in my heart forever. Meg - who at first thought was a bit abnoxious but she turned out to be the smartest, hands on, witty, fun loving lady. Logan, such a kind, generous, deep thinking with an incredible sense of humor man. And Tim, insightful, cool, soul searching man... I had an incredible time with you and hope you enjoy the rest of your trip! I'm so very jealous that they are going to Sienna and Florence next, but I have already been there and I'm glad to be back to my olives!

A bit of help...

I haven't been writing the past few days, because I'm simply having so much fun! At last we had some company to help with the olive harvest. A group of five young americans arrived, plus my friend Jennifer from Alaska. They are all very funny, very hard working, very... everything! And they changed my mind on how they treat food. I thought that Americans do not really care about eating healthy, but this crowd is very much into organic farming, urban farming (!), informing the public about healthy food and generally eating good!

So I made some new good friends and I'm taking the day off tomorrow to spend a day with them in Assisi and come back. I really need a break from the olives, I have been working for 2 weeks non stop - well I stopped when it was raining but it doesn't count because I worked in the afternoon! My body needs a rest. Once more I have put myself into a working hard situation. But I really enjoy it.

The past couple of days it was sooo windy, that dragging the nets from one tree to another was very hard. Still we sang songs and talked and there seemed to be something there that connected all of us. Was it the earth, the trees? I don't really know. When we all gathered on the table, It was like one big family. In fact, Jim helped me make some musaka  - he fried the fresh aubergines from the garden and made the most beautiful sause and then the most incredible besamel I had ever tasted! I made a HUGE greek salad for ten people and a potato salad. It was one big dinner.

And then all these tasty liquers came out. Limoncello and other stuff that I don't know the names of. Five delicious homemade liqueurs... They send all of us straight to bed!

I'm having a great time and I have all of you in my heart. Love, peace, happiness, light. Have a good day!

PS A litlle surprise for the end...