Τετάρτη, 13 Ιουλίου 2011

Mind games

Sometimes I do wonder. How can one person be in the most beautiful place, have work - and subsequently money -  have a lovely man, swim everyday and still be miserable?

I do wonder. My mind plays games. In my head I worry, in my mind I fight, in my mind I feel terrible. I look at the sea and I do not enjoy now. It is just stupid. It is just the way I am.

All day yesterday I was feeling terrible. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I could not stop it. I WOULD not stop it. I was watching myself from a distance feeling terrible. I was worrying for things that are not mine, I was feeling like I had lost myself in a wave of anger and fear. The hours went by, I was losing a beautiful, playful day. The afternoon came and I was watching my child - the child I'm looking after - and his friends play in the sea. They were standing right where the sunset was making it's golden road.

And I took some deep breaths. Here. Now. The children are playing. They are happy. Here. Now. I'm happy watching them. Here. Now. The moon is getting bigger. My reality is beautiful. Stop fighting in your mind. Please. You are safe. You can be happy. You deserve this beauty.

The children got out of the sea. They had a nice shower. We had a nice evening. The sun set for one more time, the wind was blowing like every other day and the moon got out eventually. It did not matter anymore. Nothing mattered.

This wave of misery was over. I told him a bedtime story and we went to sleep. It's summer. He is on holiday. He is happy. Me and little Elina are happy too.

Have a nice day...

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