"the monster and the flame".
I had just seen my monster, realized it's there.
Eight months later, the flame is stronger than the monster.
Back then, Kanta, my teacher, told me it is not going to kill me.
If it could kill me it would have already done that.
These days my monster is really small, like a kitten. It is still there, but I'm not feeding it with my fear. Everything is going to be ok.
My flame has grown, it's about the size of a fire burning inside a fireplace. (Ιt's really hard talking about fireplaces in the middle of a burning hot summer day...)
Being alone, outside a relationship, helps me create a relationship with myself. My old patterns (the monster) are yelling and screaming and trying to drag me to the shelter of a man's heart. But this would mean going back to the old, trying to be "saved" by a male. I am in the process of healing. Unless I heal this pattern, I will only fall to the same old story.
Instead, I close my ears to the yelling and screaming monster, only to find myself creating on many levels....
I still write over here
I sew and photograph and publish over there: travellerlina's artifacts
I still take pictures on my walks.
I am in the process of creating a theater-education-for kids group in the winter with the collaboration of my sister.
I am in the process of helping a like-minded friend I just met. We are planning to create a monthly street-fair in a pedestrian street of this town, selling hand made artifacts.
I am traslating part of this book from greek to english. It is a book written by a fellow traveller, whom I haven't met yet, but I'm sure we have a lot in common.
Are you tired yet???
There are even more plans and projects in my head, although they have not manifested yet.
I am even going abroad for some days in July, but I'll keep that as a surprise.
Now that I think of it, the flame might not be just a fireplace flame.... It's even bigger!
Thanks for reading, thanks for supporting me. Thanks for believeing in me.... Now I think I believe in myself more than I used to....
Have a great summer day...
Σάββατο, 16 Ιουνίου 2012
I am sewing as much as I can. I am photographing the artifacts to post them on the website.
I am trasnlating.
I helped my siter with her theater play in the school she teaches. It was an overwhelming experience. I realised how much I love children and how much I love my sister. The day before the play and the actual day of the performance we were both there. The temperature was reaching 40 degrees, but we were exhited to be working with the kids who proved to be really talented. The play was a kind of musical, a lot of popular songs changed to match the story, funny, educational, written by my sister and her husband.
She was alone in this all year long, I don't think anybody believed in her and a very few people helped her. In the end, everyone was amazed by the perfection of the outcome. She woked really hard, she believed in her project and her students and - despite the difficulties, the outcome was perfect.
I watched as she remained calm before and during the play, silently encouraging her students behind the scenes. It was really amazing. She's a great teacher because she is not an authority figure giving orders. She is on the same level as the kids, an equal, always putting herself in their position to feel what they need. her inner child is nurished so she is a child herself. I do hope the system will not discourage her and she will remain brilliant!
Next year we are thinking of repeating this same play, out of school with different kids... This time I'll be next to her, maybe teaching the kids as well!
Τετάρτη, 6 Ιουνίου 2012
Such joy for me! It was an unexpected gift...
I'll take things from the start. The city would be celebrating a week for the environment and the municipality held a competition for its citizens. The best photographs would be exhibited...
As you know, these days, I'm wondering around the city with Freeda, walking around and taking photographs. I decided to send six to the competition. I have hundreds of photographs and choosing some was difficult for me.
|the winner exhibited|
All these years, I had been behind the scenes - the curator - organizing exhibitions for others. This was a first time I WAS THE ARTIST! I was the only one who had sent a photo of the road for bicycles... I am thinking its a hommage for all the years I had been a cyclist in Athens...
This is really a big step for me. Stepping outside my comfort zone. Stepping into the unknown.
Out of the six photos I sent, I was wishing another one would get picked. It was a close up of two plants I frequently encounter in my walks. The lady said it was too advanced for the public... I don't know what that means, but I don't have any hard feelings. Besides, I can always exhibit it here, in my own blog, which I love!
I am translating part of a travelling book, from greek to english. Another first timer. It's not easy, but I am enjoying it. I'll write more on this when it is time.
I am helping with the setting up of a street party for the citys' open studios. Yesterday, just before the opening of the photography exhibition, my hands were covered in glue! I had so much fun and the colours were just invigorating!
I realised I am giving a chance to the artist that lives inside me. I have been unconsiously working on this for many years. I am giving the child inside me the chance to play. Play with colours, play with fabrics,, play with the camera. And it all gives me fruits. Fruits of happiness. I have been sad and unhappy for a long time. And now, I look back to the memory.
I used to be angry at Antonis for not paying enough attention to his art. But he was only my mirror. That is what he kept saying to me. "Don't look at me, look at your own suppressed artist." "Don't be angry at me, be angry at yourself, for not doing what you want to do." Such a teacher....
Now I am alone.
I have noone to blame.
I can only see myself.
I cannot save anyone.
I can only save myself.
Being alone is a gift I appreciate.
I just hope I wont mess it up.
I hope I can stay outside the box.
Where all the magic is....