Δευτέρα, 26 Σεπτεμβρίου 2011

On cancer and the way he invades.


 
How do I put this in words?

Only one word. Cancer. My man has cancer. In his lungs and brain.

First time I heard it last Saturday. I cried. I was scared. I did not know. There was only one word in my mind. Cancer. Is he going to die? Is he going to live?

It all started after my last post. He became sick in the stomach and slowly became very weak and could not walk. His left arm was weak. He was rushed into an ambulance. And then in the boat. And then in another ambulance. Into the hospital.

I had to care of everything. Take care of luggage. Take care of the dog. And the bird. And the trip. An angel friend picked me up and took me, Freeda and the canary back home in the middle of the night. And then I rushed to the hospital.

The doctor called me. She said it's cancer. Who do I call?? What do I say? Why? Why us? Fuck you cancer!

Do I tell him? Of cource I do. He has the right to know. He is strong enough to know. Our friends know. And the miracles begun. In three days he gets up. Starts walking and laughing again.

He becomes his real wonderful self. He said he is going to fight it. Friends stand by us. My parents and my sister stand by us. They offer us all the love in the world. They offer us ways to heal it. They offer us true love and compassion. And laughter. That's what I need. Laughter. No stories about people who die. I need compassion. Understanding.


This story brought me very close to my own death. The things I have't done yet, the travels I postpone for later, the things that exhite me and I have an excuse not to do them yet.

It's been more than a week now. He is still in the hospital.

I am calmer. I don't cry anymore. Not every two minutes.

There are two options.

In the first one he gets over it. We have a great party. We live happily ever after.

In the second one we put up our best white clothes and we say goodbye dancing and laughing about the passing of his soul to another level. We will need a jazz-blues band for the goodbye party.

I would rather believe that this is the time for healing. For me and for everybody. It is time for me and for everyone to see what is important. Who is important. I believe in true joy. I am strong and he is strong. I have the feeling that either way we will stand up to this with true and unconditional loving.

Does unconditional loving mean let him go? Yes. I will try to let him go. If this is his decision.

But I do want to see more of his painting. I do want to see more of his art. I do want to see more of him. I'll stand by him whatever he decides. I do love him.

Have a good day.

13 σχόλια:

  1. Αυτό το σχόλιο αφαιρέθηκε από τον συντάκτη.

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  2. Oh, man... one of those moments where you don't know what to say. I will have him in my prayers for fast recovery. And recovery is the correct word.

    When such things happen to loved ones, we realise just how much they mean to us. At times like these, we begin to appreciate what we once took for granted.

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  3. Δυο μέλη της στενής μου οικογένειας τα κατάφεραν.
    Δύναμη ψυχής. Αυτό χρειάζεται. Απ'ότι έχω καταλάβει έχετε πολύ και οι δυό...
    Tinkerbell

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  4. Οι δοκιμασίες μας κάνουν δυνατότερους. Θα τα καταφέρεte και όλα θα πάνε καλά. Να είστε δυνατοί και να γελάτε.Σας έχω στις σκέψεις μου και στις προσευχές μου, φιλιά

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  5. Τις καλύτερες ευχές μου με όλη μου την αγάπη και συγχαρητήρια για το εξαιρετικής ισορροπίας κείμενο που μας συγκίνησε και αφύπνισε όλους

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  6. Tinkerbell όσο περνανε οι μέρες τολμώ στ αλήθεια να πιστεύω ότι μπορεί να έρθει η ιαση, κυρίως από τον τρόπο που το αντιμετωπίζει...
    visfi, welcome to my blog, apparently lemongrass is a very good anti cancer ingredient! Thanks for the support!
    μενια, καλώς την! είναι υπέροχο που είσαι εδω! Και εσύ και όλοι σας μου δίνετε μεγάλη δύναμη και θεραπευτική ενέργεια...
    elena, thinking of you too
    Γιαννη σ' ευχαριστώ. Είχα το χρόνο να αντιμετωπίσω τον πανικό μου κι έτσι μου βγήκε. Καθημερινά πιστεύω στο καλύτερο...

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  7. Εύχομαι πραγματικά να πάνε όλα καλά για την μητέρα σου, μέσα απ την ψυχή μου εύχομαι να τα καταφέρει

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  8. Vam33 ευχαριστώ για τα καλά λόγια σου! Ευτυχώς δεν είναι η μητέρα μου, αλλά ο άντρας μου...
    Εντάξει, ολα πανε καλα μέχρι στιγμης...

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  9. Συγγνώμη διαβάζοντας βιαστικά το κείμενο μπέρδεψα το πρόσωπο

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  10. Argiris (ex Travelduriotis)28 Οκτωβρίου 2011 - 2:55 μ.μ.

    Ελινάκη σου στέλνω την αγάπη μου, σε 'σένα και τον Αντώνη. Να είστε ευλογημένοι και να απολαμβάνετε κάθε στιγμή αυτού του υπέροχου δώρου, της Ζωής σας.Να είστε ευλογημένοι για να μοιράζεστε την μοναδικότητά σας.

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