Christmas thoughts

The way we were

Every little choice develops a lifetime.

All my little choices have brought me-us here.

I'm not angry anymore. I'm just compassionate about myself and the situation.

It's Christmas and Antonis is slowly fading. His body betrays him. Every little step he makes is a victory. Literaly. He can't walk very well. He is in pain most of the time. Every bite he takes withought vomiting is a victory. Every hour he sleeps is a victory. He is too scared to sleep.

I just want him to be decent. I want him to be clean, dry and warm. Like a small child. The man has become a child. A child in pain. And it's Christmas. The house is full of twingling lights and christmas decoration. He deserves Christmas. Is this his last Christmas? No, don't think about that please! He is here now. Surrounded by love and compassion.

It's Christmas time kid! Don't cry. Everything is goin to be all right. Give me a big hug and all the pain will disappear.

My body aches too. From doing so much for him. My heart aches. Why did we bring ourselves to this? Is there a bigger picture we can't see?

I do sincerely hope there is a bigger picture I can't see. I do hope there is a purpose.

Have a merry, loving, supportive, delightful christmas.