And where am I ? I am tired. Just tired. All these sleepless nights in the hospital... I come home every two days to have a shower and wash his clothes and mine. I dig deep to find patience. I dig deep to find humor. One moment I laugh and the other I'm crying. He is going away and we can't even talk about it.
While I take care of antonis, I work as a babysitter. Three days a week I go to the child for a few hours. It's so refreshing to play with a four-year old who does not know anything about dying, hospitals and the like. On New Years Eve I had to go to work. Noone else volunteered to stay with Antonis. Not even his father. So I arranged for a nurse. It was his present for the new year. Nurses don't collapse. Nurses know how to bathe someone who is in pain. Nurses know how to change sheets while the patient is in bed. He was so sedated from the painkillers, he did not even know it was New Years Eve...
And I was with the child. And the love that surrounds a child. His name is Filippos. It means "friend of horses". He is my mirror.
|the strong man he once was|
We read about death. We know we are eternal. Yet we are scared of it. Especially when we are young and beautiful and strong. That who Antonis was. A strong, beautiful loving man. We have been taught to be scared. We have been taught that death is a bad thing.Antonis is a small scared and very angry and bitter child now.
And I'm there. I'll be there till the end. The only thing I pray for is that he does not suffer.
What a journey, huh!
Have a good new year.