I want to write and I don't have anything to say.
We are back home since last Tuesday. He came on an ambulance. He came on a wheelchair. He could not walk, cause his left side was kind of paralysed.
As the days went past he feels better, he even walked to the kitchen (!) with my aid.
When we came back from the hospital, I was numb from the lack of sleep and the psychological pressure. I was in a trance. And the martyrdom continued at home. At 5 in the morning he wanted a hug. And I hugged him. And I cried. I cried really loudly! Because I wanted to sleep! It was like a torture! You want to sleep and they won't let you! I felt like I was being punished...
How can you give someone when you haven't given anything to yourself???
So we found a solution. A lady comes every night and keeps an eye on him. I think I am in heaven. Three days now I sleep from 11 till 7 in the morning. No interruptions. No martyrdom. We don't have a lot of money, but what we have she can have. She is such a gift... Sleep is such a gift... Three days now I am calmer. I give him the hugs and kisses and care he needs. I am there for him. I can handle it.
And we have abundance. Abundance of friends, of love, of phonecalls, of money, of messages, of food, of heat, of books, of music, of love-love-love and understanding.
See, I have many things to say.
Have a good day.