Who am I?

Am I the child I was and I don't really remember?

Am I the adolescent who dreamed of leaving the small town to live a a life out of the ordinary?

Am I the youngster who was lucky (in fact brave) enough to travel to England and study, drink, smoke, fall in love, get high, have friends, travel around?

Am I the woman who fell in love, had sex?

Am I the woman who played the roles according to the situations? The jealous boyfriends, the boring boyfriends, the mommy for the less brave boyfriends, the lover of one night stands, the loving partner of a strong yet sensitive man who did not live up to his true self and got sick and died?

Am I my jobs? The editor of Disney magazines, the tragically failed freelance curator, the sales person of a prestigious downtown gallery, the statistics phone researcher, the sales person at yet another shop downtown, the assistant curator of a beautiful posh gallery, the assistant of an artifact workshop?

Am I the singer, the musician who likes to hide inside choirs and is a specialist doing background vocals? Am I the singer who chokes when is a lead voice and forgets the lyrics? Am I the years of paying conservatories just to be part of a musical community?

Am I my handmade bracelets and my sewing machine and my sewing lessons? Am I the artist who sold some bracelets and then got scared and hid away all those wonderful bags and scarves and bracelets and fabrics?

Am I the volunteer who dug the ground, mucked out horse fields, picked up olives? Who got out of her way to help, without any payment but food and a bed? Who got blisters and got wet and cold feet to prove she is strong?

Am I my dog and the walks and the travelling we did together?

Am I the spiritual researcher, who has read hundreds of books, attended hundreds of hours of psychotherapy, attended seminars? Am I my depression and my joy? Am I the asking of questions such as who am I, where am I going to, is there life after death, is there a god, is there anything beyond my knowing?

Am I my love for languages, my fluency in greek, english, italian? Am I my spanish and french which I can't speak very well but I like their sound and musicality?

Am I the people I met, the friends I loved, the friends I left, the brief aquaintances?

Am I the houses I lived, the rooms that I slept, the walls I changed colour, the beds I made love, the couches I had fights, the kitchens I learned and loved cooking?

I am my 36 years of living on this planet.

I am my experiences.

I am my decisions.

I am all and I'm none of the above.

And now, I am fortunate enough to have the time to look back at all these.

Who do I want to be from now on? It's my choise. It's my life. Stop losing yourself into the lives of others. Stop denying who you are. The lady of talent and knowledge. The lady of love and smile. The charming lady who, so easily breaks the ice. The lady who is taller than she feels, the lady who is more beautiful than she sees, the lady who is more knowledgable than she thinks, the lady who knows, but constantly thinks she does not. The lady who discovered she takes wonderful pictures. The lady who writes in a simple way but touches the hearts of others. The lady who longs for adventure. The lady who has enough theory in her head to last for a lifetime (thank you Kanta).

Is this lady going to live out her theory?
Or is she going to stay inside her confort zone and live out a quiet death?

To be continued...