Τετάρτη, 16 Ιανουαρίου 2013

question

I am angry these days. Angry and stressed. Remember when I said yes to a voluntaly job in a gallery? Well I want to stop working there. I want to have time to organize my lessons, start sewing again, start my driving lessons, finish my book... The gallery is taking too much of my time. And this is eating me. Swallowing me like a monster. I want to scream, to say "enough" and the words just don't come out of my mouth.

This is not unfamiliar. In fact, it is the commonest pattern of my life. Back in Italy I could not say "enough" to Lorenzo. Back in Skyros, I could not say "enough" when I was tired. Back in the days when I had normal jobs, I could not say "enough" to my bosses.

And this word becomes the monster. "Enough". The monster with the burning eyes. If I dare utter it, it will not only destroy me, it will destroy everything I have succeded so far.  It might be simple, yes. When you are dancing outside the circle. When you are in the circle it is different. Difficult.

I do know, that once I have done it, it will seem like a ballon which has lost all it's air.

So why is it so difficult every single time? I will never stop wondering.

2 σχόλια:

  1. Excercise: Take something that you find most pleasant with you it might be a bar of chocolate, something very pleasant that you would love to share with your "employee" as with any other person. For one week just share this having in mind the word "enough" don't say it though. The next week go and while you are sharing sight Let the words be light and not directed to them. Like we go ahhh without any particular receptor but the air. Then to tell them something close but not as scary such I need more time for my activities... it is a pity I don't get paid, something small and simple, don't get in any discussion, keep the pleasure of sharing. Might work!!
    Kisses

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  2. thank you, anonymous! I think I am ready to say "enough" or something lighter sooner than the 2 weeks you describe... writing about it made me feel more strong to actually do it! thanks for your loving, kind words, I really do appreciate them.

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