Light and love

I can't believe it's almost three months we are in Sifnos... When we came, the island was empty, only a few tourists and the camping was empty. Then July came and it became busy. Then August came and the crowds kept coming...

Some really wonderful people came my way. That's what I like about changing places. You make friends, you talk about different things and experiences... 

Even with all these ups and downs with work, life was so interesting here... All these children I met were so giving and wonderful... It's a miracle to see a child smile and laugh and eat and play! It's a miracle when a child uses imagination to make a new game or tell a new story...

These children opened a new door for me. I already knew I was talented at connecting with them, but they clearly showed me I'm good. Is life going to take me further into dealing with children?

Let's see. All options are open and welcome. Life is a true miracle...

There is somehting childish about this summer...

 So I spent five relaxing days in Kamares, Sifnos. Swimming in the sea, sleeping a little bit longer, talking with friends....

Yesterday morning I found another job. I'm going to babysit a 4 year old. The mother of this child knew me because her 4 year old was playing every day with my 7 year old. So she asked me to baby sit him in the afternoons when she is very busy.

I felt my work as a child sitter was appreciated. It felt great. It felt like it was worth quitting my other job.

Now my mornings are free and my afternoons are full of child energy again. And, this time I can take Freeda with me. It's so wonderful...

And another thing. This 4 year old grows up the way I would like to grow MY child up. He is bare foot all day, in the sea all day, free to enjoy nature and play. He eats if he is hungry, he sleeps if he is tired. He is free to fall and there is a big hug for him by both his parents if he falls.

Have a nice day!

The end of anger.

That's it. I quit. Yesterday. I can take my dog and go for a coffee. I can go to the beach. I can stay in bed all day.

Yes, the whole situation was mirroring my inner feelings. The way I treated myself. The way I was abusing myself. For what? For the money? Stop. Stop abusing yourself honey. There is no point. Forgive yourelf for all you think you have done wrong. Please forgive yourself. There is nothing wrong with your decisions. They are only decisions and you can always change your decisions.

I look around me. The mountains are still the same. The sea is still there.

Why the drama? Why the tears?

No more tears please. I am on a beautiful island and I have money in my pocket. I'll take my time to relax and maybe travel a bit around the island. If I find another job, it will be wonderful. If I don't it will still be wonderful.

Have a nice day.

Thinking of change

It's been a month now and I still haven't commented on my bosses nature.

He acts a lot like my dad. Big ego, very negative, very judgemental... I thought my days with these kinds of bosses were over, but here I am, working with a personality I cannot handle.

Whatever I do, I'm never good enough, I am making a lot of mistakes and I don't care about my job, I don't care about him or his kid... Deep inside I knew what he was like when I first met him in Athens. I realised I was not mistaken when I first came here. Being in such a nice scenery I decided not to care about it. I know who I am and what can I do. And I always do my best. Then he asked me to take care of his kid. And I did it gladly. Me and the kid, we became very good friends. I tried to reach his heart. I tried to listen to him. And we got along really well.


Until he got sick with diarrhea. And I stood beside him. I stayed up all night to take care of him. I told him it would be over soon. I did my best with this lonely, broken child....


And I was to blame for the sickness. I was to blame for lack of clean manners. I am washing both the daddy's clothes and the son's clothes by hand everyday and I'm lazy. I'm just having a good time.

So here is the question. Will I expect to be accepted by someone who never will? No. Thank you very much.


I am flerting with the idea to change jobs. Change from a fancy store to cleaning rooms or something. Will I do it? I don't know yet. I'll see. It's only one month to go. August.


I haven't made the final decision yet.


For now, I will enjoy my last 8 days with the kid. And then I will decide.

PS Blogger is being funny and will not let me upload any pics...

On kids

What do you do when a child pushes your limits?

Do you get angry? Do you yell at him? Do you have the patience to explain yourself?

All these questions are in my mind lately. Children can be very cooperative and fun, but children can also be a pain in the ass. Sorry about my lack of other words...

Sometimes my good energy seems to work with children. Little Rosa, from Belgium, was in a very bad mood. She was very sad that she would leave behind me and Freeda and the camping. She made me cry when she gave me a giggle when I kissed her belly... She was so sweet!

On the other hand, the child I care for these days is much older and very angry because of a bad divorce. He sometimes takes it out on me. The nanny. Sometimes I am calm and I respect his emotions. But sometimes I lose my patience and scream at him. Is this the way I am treating my inner child? My angry, unexpressed  inner child? Maybe.

It is very interesting when one interacts with kids. They have a whole different perspective about the world.

Kids are not easy. You have to think about every word you say. Every move you make. Because they will copy you in no time. They will show you what you don't like in yourself. And they will show you what you love about yourself...

Easy living

Kamares by night

Hot, hot, hot weather...

One yellow butterfly on the beach...
Yellow, glittering sand on my feet...
Children playing around me...

I will not let my mind blow it all away. I am enjoying every moment on this island. It's a blessing. i could not even imagine that this summer I would live something so intense.

I will stay with the child until the 10th of August. A whole month of child sitting. Games on the beach.

What more can one ask for! I will never forget this summer!

Mind games

Sometimes I do wonder. How can one person be in the most beautiful place, have work - and subsequently money -  have a lovely man, swim everyday and still be miserable?

I do wonder. My mind plays games. In my head I worry, in my mind I fight, in my mind I feel terrible. I look at the sea and I do not enjoy now. It is just stupid. It is just the way I am.

All day yesterday I was feeling terrible. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I could not stop it. I WOULD not stop it. I was watching myself from a distance feeling terrible. I was worrying for things that are not mine, I was feeling like I had lost myself in a wave of anger and fear. The hours went by, I was losing a beautiful, playful day. The afternoon came and I was watching my child - the child I'm looking after - and his friends play in the sea. They were standing right where the sunset was making it's golden road.

And I took some deep breaths. Here. Now. The children are playing. They are happy. Here. Now. I'm happy watching them. Here. Now. The moon is getting bigger. My reality is beautiful. Stop fighting in your mind. Please. You are safe. You can be happy. You deserve this beauty.

The children got out of the sea. They had a nice shower. We had a nice evening. The sun set for one more time, the wind was blowing like every other day and the moon got out eventually. It did not matter anymore. Nothing mattered.

This wave of misery was over. I told him a bedtime story and we went to sleep. It's summer. He is on holiday. He is happy. Me and little Elina are happy too.

Have a nice day...

Children

I was getting tired of this hectic schedule. I was asking for help.

And the answer came through my bosses child. Now I'm baby sitting. This seven-year-old came into my life. I'm taking him to the beach. I'm making up stories for him to go to sleep.

I do prefer this child energy in my life. No more Sifnos vanity.

I'll tell you more as the days go by...

Watching my life from a distance

 It is very strange to work on an island. It is a serene and beautiful place, yet I have to get up at 8.00, have coffee and breakfast and run to work by 10.15. The moped has saved my life, because it takes me to the next village in 10 minutes. Then work by 2.30 and back home for: swimming, cooking, eating, resting, getiing ready for the night. In 3 hours I have to do all this and maybe skip the swimming part... Every afternoon I feel I have to catch a train that will leave without me... And then I have to be really well dressed and smiling, whatever the circumstances. Work starts again at 19.00 till 1.30 in the morning.

Believe it or not, it's a hectic schedule and you have little time to rest and be yourself.

On the other hand, Sifnos is a funny little place. Every night, the small street I work at, is full of people who are too overdressed, women who wear high heels and are having trouble walking the paved streets! Lots of tv celebrities I do not know because I don''t have a tv... I laugh a lot at this vanity that passes before my eyes... It is so far away from the tomboy I am and I do wonder why people have to behave like this...

Sifnos is a sociological wonder. In the midst of crisis, ladies are buying expencive clothes and gentelmen drive expensive cars. For the past years Sifnos has been a wedding island because of all these little churces by the sea... And a wedding in Greece is still a big, expensive thing to do!

I am thinking that I am here to experience the abundance of the sea and sun, to get out of the "crisis mentality" that some are trying to pass.

Sometimes I compare my summer in Skyros last year and I realise how happy I was, mucking the horse fields. The horses did not judje me from my clothes, they judged me from my soul. In fact they did not judge me at all. I was so happy hugging them and looking at them and I had so much to write about them... Same with the olive harvest in Italy... Now, I don't have anything meaningful to write...

I promise myself I will work hard here in Sifnos. I promise I will take the money and keep travelling in places that speak to my soul. I promise I will enjoy this strange and unfamiliar environment.

Have a nice day!

A quick little post

I have been meaning to write, but it's so busy here...

A lot of work, a lot of new friends and one new achevement. Yesterday I drove a moped for the first time in my life. Everybody tells me it is dangerous, but I am very very careful and I wear a helmet!

I'm so happy and it gives me a sense of independence. An independence I have been denying myself for so many years...

June has been very strange, with it's up's and downs, with work and play and getting to know my surroundings...

And now a new month is at it's beginning and I'm looking forward to it's blessings!

Have a good day