Κυριακή, 8 Απριλίου 2012

Vindication

So I spent Thursday and Friday crying. Feeling the solitude. I was so sad I was kicked out of the house I was living the past year and a half.

During Antonis's illness, apart from the friends who helped us, there were two people who were really close. Antonis's cousins. I would call them and they would be there. They would cook for us. They would stay with him when I had to go out of the house. They came to the hospital to pick me up in the middle of the night when Antonis died.

I was so hurt they did not stand up for me when the house was locked... I had lost my trust in them. I sent them an angry message. They replied that they do understand my rage and that the were not involved in this outrageous situation. They were ashamed. They would help me get my belongings back.

So me and my father drove back to Athens yesterday. Until the last moment I was unsure about their intentions. I called my friend to be a witness in case the police came again. I would not go in the house.

One of the cousins waited for me. She told me to get inside and get my stuff. I refused and she insisted. So I went inside. And started loading the car.

The fabrics I bought, the curtins my mom made for us, the chairs I had before I met Antonis, the cushions I brought from Cairo... the list goes on. My life with him. His cousin said I deserve at least one box of CDs and a box of books. I took them.

The car was loaded and I felt relieved. I said goodbye. Never again. Greeks have a saying. "Throw a black stone behind you". It means never return to a place again. Everything was quiet. Everything happened quickly.

The situation made me think. Of my attachment to material things. Of my attachment to my relationship with Antonis. Are we the objects? No. But we need the connection. We need to be reminded of all the beautiful things we created.

So now I am officially done with Athens. I have officially moved to my hometown.

Everytime I go to a new place to stay for a while, it rains. It rained in Evia, it rained in Skyros, it rained in Italy. Yesterday, on our way home it was raining. It's a good sign.

My life continues...


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