Reconciliation

I have made peace with myself and those who surround me. After all this turbulance of thoughts and feelings, I feel peaceful again.

The wave has gone back to the sea.

Even my mother had a different attitude towards my thoughts and feelings. I felt accepted because I accepted myself. I see the world around me as a mirror. And, at this moment, it mirrors calm and serenity.

Have a good day...

Decision

I have been searching deep inside of me for answers.
What are these opposite polarities showing me? What is my next step?
I have made up my mind.
I'AM going to travel to the mountain.
The polarity was so strong because the step I'm about to take is going to be a strong healing for myself.
I still have many unsolved matters, but that will not keep me from following my joyous path...
The polarity brought me to a position where I questioned myself. I questioned all this writing, I questioned my therapy, I questioned my whole existence. Oh, how I wished to be normal again! Follow the path everybody follows, not stand out with my weird thoughts, be one of the mass, be manipulated by authority figures...

And then I remembered. I decided to heal my soul because the other path was not working, I wasn't happy with my choises so I changed paths. I was walking on territory that a few had followed up until then. I did not know where I was going. But there was a little spark inside of me that was telling me to go ahead, that I would be safe. There are times that I feel lost. I still do. But there is ALWAYS some sign. A kind word from a friend, a compassionate hug, tears running... And I don't feel lost anymore... I come back to my center. I remember who I am.

And who I am at the moment is a girl who wants to travel and live with horses on a mountain.
And this brings tears in my eyes. Because I love myself so much, that I am willing to give up on any other love, but the love to myself. I'm going to take the little girl inside me, give it a hug and tell her I love her. I'll take the little girl that lives inside me from the hand and lead her to a bright, playful place where there's only love and acceptance. Come on little Elina, let's play! let's have some fun! It's ok to have fun! Nobody's going to punish you for being happy. I will never let anyone hurt you. I will ALWAYS be there for me!

Racing mind

My mind is racing. Into all the words said by different people. Into the words I said and the feelings I had. My feelings have changed and I cannot ignore them. Acceptance. Do I accept myself?
Why do I bring myself into a non-acceptance situation?
I have developed an addiction on acceptance.
I need to face it.
Will I give up on my dreams and fellings for acceptance?
I can. It's a choice I have to make.
Or I cannot. It's my choice.

Struggle

I'm struggling to stay centered. To stay centered to myself and to what my soul desires.
I was faced today with my greatest fears and my greatest disagreements.
They came in the form of my parents. They disagree.
Cleaning a stable is not their best idea of a job for their educated daughter.
They were very polite as they expressed their fears and their disagreement. While we were talking I struggled to stay centered to myself. I struggled to remember the joy I felt when I decided to go to the mountain.
I explained all my thoughts very clearly. I was expecting just a spark of recognition and acceptance. There was none. It is not something they can understand. They keep talking of money and insurance and marriage and kids. They keep talking about things that are so NOT myself.
I have to thank them, because they are questioning my decision. I have to thank them because while they were talking, I was so SURE I want to go to the mountain!
Even if nobody loves me, not even my own parents, I WILL still do what my heart tells me to do. I have followed my healing with integrity and I have made a promise to myself. I will love myself and my decisions. I will think of all the things they said. I will search deeply in my soul to see what is my higher purpose in life. I know that I will be supported by my own higher self.

Its funny, because up until today, everybody I told the news about the farm with the horses was very supportive and they were telling me that they can see a glow on my face. I was really glowing. I felt I was glowing. And then, as my teacher Jonah says, there was the opposite polarity. When you make a step to the light, there will be darkness cheking out if you really want to make that step to the light.... For me it came in the form of my parents. Thank you. I am very happy that you disagree with me. I am very happy that you say so, very openly. But I am going to go ahead with my decision.

Whatever it costs me.
It might cost me the love of mommy and daddy.
The gain on the other hand is not very clear to me at the moment. I will have to see. The gain is going to be that I'm going to be truthful to myself.

I'll wait and see.

The art of travelling

A meeting yesterday made me think of what travelling means to me. Does it mean getting into a car and covering thousands of kilometers (miles for my american friends)? Does this allow the people to meet other people? Does it allow for the essence of a place to get under your skin? While it may work for others, it's not my kind of thing. There is nothing wrong with the people who like to do it like this...

My personal way of travelling as I feel at the moment, is something else. It involves spending some time in any place, meeting the people and spending some time with them. Live with them, smell the smells, absorb the colours, work with them, have a daily experience of their lives. This is what I want to do. Have a good day.

Wonder-full

Meanwhile, life in the city is wonderful. Full-of-wonders. Pink sunsets and a moon that is filling to a full. The jazz festival in Athens is a chance to listen to great music and meet friends. Most of the people I know are in a deep searching of themselves, trying to find who they are and what's their meaning of their lives. That's wonder-full. A process of healing. We may be struggling with our belief systems, but we DO want to heal and live a new, brighter life. We will make it. And that's wonder-full!

Horse magic

I was in a magic place yesterday. Magic on earth.

My trip started with the usual butterflies in my stomach. There I was, in a bus to Evia. Alone, with my thoughts, I was going to a place and I tried very hard not to have any expectations... Evia is a big Island, bigger than Crete and I was going to the north of it where I was told is very green and beautiful. The bus trip included a small crossing through the sea with the ferry. So when I got into the ferry, it was beautiful, the sea was very calm, the weather was gloomy and seagulls followed us. I dreamt of dolphins, but there where none on that grey, cold morning. I hadn't seen the sea in months and it felt strange. My whole country is surrounded by sea water but sometimes we forget it...

So where I was going? To a farm with horses in the North of Evia. I was greeted by Tassos, the owner, who picked me up from the bus station. I asked him if I can work for him for the summer.

How was this place? Will the people accept me? Will they take advantage of me? Will they be nice to me? Will they be horrible to me? Before I went there I was asking these questions and created such a negative mentality on the experience, I was just about to ruin everything. As soon as I realised what I was doing, I thought that whatever I expect I will get. I then positioned myself to a more positive attitude. I will think positively of the place and I will have a positive experience! I cannot describe in words how difficult it was to make a swift from my negative thoughts...

Anyway, we arrived at the farm. Being a Sunday, it was busy and people had already started riding horses in the pathways of the mountain. It was like I was already working there!

They asked me to escort Tina, a female pony, rid by a little girl in the pathway into the mountain. Dimitris - who has been working there for years - was with us and he was right behind us with two more horses. He warned me that Tina was a cheeky horse and if I don't pay attention she will go to the edge of the path to enjoy some tasty greenery... and she DID! At first I was scared because she's very heavy and I could not manipulate her. So I was instructed to let her eat. Finally, it was the father of the little girl who managed to take her off the tasty food and get her back to walking... I was so embarrassed... And then I thought, why am I embarrassed? I have NEVER done this before, don't be so strict on yourself! Off we went, under the shade of trees through little rivers where cheeky Tina HAD to drink some water... Do I want to live like this over the next three months? YES I DO!, my soul answered.

Me and Tina took another couple of walks together, while she was carrying different children. And I discovered that I do like talking with the children, talking about their fear of being on top of a big animal, answering their questions, talking about school and their interests, making a connection with them. Do I want to live like this over the next three months? YES I DO!, my soul answered.

I started feeling more at ease with the situation and the animals and the children and the smells and the colours and the people... Even Tassos told me that I am a good teacher for the kids... Do I want to live like this over the next three months? YES I DO!, my soul answered.

I decided to lay back for a while, and stay in the stable while the others left for yet another ride... cheeky Tina was there and she rubbed her head on my stomach! She put a smile on my face, "she recognizes me!" Thirteen horses in total, beautiful, strong, magnificent, glorious, friendly with big eyes that stare right at your eyes... I really DO want to stay here for a while... I will learn their names and their habits and get to know them better. When the rides stopped and Dimitris brought out some hay for them to eat, they started neighing happily!

Now let me tell you something. I am a person that was brought up in the city, in a block of flats, I never had so much encouter with animals and nature and the earth. But now I have come to the point which I really need this experience and my soul brought me to that which I was longing for. It all started with a dream on the 15th of May. I promised myself I will go to a mountain in a month from the date I dreamt it. Actually I'm going there on the 5th of June, which is less than a month... My point is, that if you make a clear choice from the heart, things will turn around to get you there. I have been told this simple truth by many teachers, and now I am experiencing it.

To make a long story short (well it's not that short after all) in the farm there are goats and chickens and DEER and they all eat from people's hands. I almost cried when a baby deer took a bite from the bread I was giving it... The view from the mountain is breathtaking and the people are polite and gentle and they love their animals and they love nature. I made up my mind. I'm staying there for the summer and maybe even longer. It depends on what my soul longs for.

These guys are here: http://www.tassokrishorses.com/index.htm and you are very welcome to come and visit, just give them a call...

I will continue writing and describing my adventures in this blog, which I decided to subtitle A TRAVELLER'S DIARY and not A TRAVELLER-TO-BE DIARY since my travelling has already begun. You see, all I needed to do is to state what I am and say and believe that I AM A TRAVELLER. And what I am unfolds right here, before my eyes. Come to think of it, I only started writing and stating that which I am, on the 10th of May. And all this happened in less than a month... This is how quickly things move...

My country

I live in a blessed country. Greece is full of light, it's warm and sunny. You can still find nice fresh food. You can still swim in clear blue waters and you can still see small villages on high mountains and rivers running. It's a small country and it's blessed. That's why I was born here in the first place. If what they say is true, that we choose our parents and the place we are born, then I know why I did so.

It's 5 in the morning and I am blessed to hear nightingales outside my window in the center of Athens. Because Athens is not just riots, bad architecture and recession. It's also wonderful, educated people with lots of interests, Athens is hope and light. They are asking us to believe that we are corrupt and bad people. But everywhere I go I see goodness in everyone. I see people who are trying to make a difference and be polite to each other. Does this make me a fool? Or does it make me a better person?

I believe in change. I believe that humanity can make a difference. That's why I'm travelling. To find goodness, to find the hidden smiles in everyone. I try to be a smiling example. I smile and everyone smiles back. That's my experience from life. Good morning!

Why?

Why am I writing?
Because I like writing and I always have liked writing. Only now I see it and acknowledge it as part of my evolution. Although I care about it being interesting and worth reading, deep inside of me I don't really care. If I am to express my true self through it, it does not really matter. I might as well do it. There is not need of judging it or censoring it.

Like a child

When I was a child, everytime my school organized a trip, there was discussion of me going or not going... I sooo much wanted to go! I was usually allowed to go. And I always had a dream the night before. I missed the bus! I couldn't find my shoes in my dream, or there was something going wrong, so I missed the bus. In real life I have NEVER missed a bus, or a plane, or a boat. I'm there very early, ready and packed and I usually wait for hours for the bus, or plane, or boat to leave...
I still have butterflies in my stomach before I leave to anywhere. The butterflies go away as soon as I lock the door of my home. This is when the travelling begins.
In two days I'm going to travel to the mountain. I'm going to see the place I plan to spend the next few months. I have all these expectations from the place and the people... I am already ruining the experience!
I wish I could detach myself from all expectations, draw a white sheet over them and not expect anything. I wish I could enjoy my days previous to any trip. In some ways, being aware of this attitude, I HAVE been enjoying my days lately.
Today I woke up and it had rained the previous night. The earth had this wet smell, I wish there where words to describe it! The park next to my house was clear with all the shades of green, birds where singing, there was moisture in the air and the sun was shining through the trees making lines through them. And the smell... that lovely smell that I cannot describe! I do love my morning walks with my dog! Peaceful, playful moments that are the start to my day...

I just saved myself

I think I just saved myself from diving into a painful pattern...
There is a man in my life whom I love deeply, we used to be in a relationship, but now this relationship has transformed into a sacred friendship. Talking to him yesterday, I realised a painful pattern I have followed for the whole of my life.
I was putting myself in difficult situations to be saved by my father and not be scared of my jealous mother. Let me put it this way.
I will fall and hurt my knee. Daddy will come and hug me and tell me it's ok. Mommy will not be bothered because THERE IS A REASON. I just hurt my knee...
Don't be confused here. My parents are wonderful people. They have done their best to raise us. But there are really really subtle messages we get, so deep and unconscious that we do not realise until we make a decision. The decision to heal and see and embrace and love all the dark aspects of our personality.
So, how did I save myself? What does this mean?
I was ready to put myself in a position where I would go to the mountains - I still want to, you know - with no money, no salary, while keeping my apartment in athens and all the bills running. I would stay there for I don't know how long and I would bring myself to a position where I would HAVE TO ASK for help!
As soon as I realised all this, the lovely mountain lady declined my offer of course, saying that she hasn't got room for me and does not really need my help. I have to thank her for playing her role so accurately....
Strengthened by self-knowledge, I am now searching for something different. A JOB in the mountains! I was suprised at the speed that I found the solution. Last night I was feeling devastated by my own findings and this morning, I woke up, found the solution and spoke to the right peopple, at the right time. Nothing is fixed yet, but I am so happy! My heart sings, the energy has changed in one single night! I am indeed in love with myself! Hope you are too...

Exposed

I am being exposed. My writing is out there for everyone to see and judge. It's not easy. While I get these comments that my writing is wonderful and speaks to the people's hearts, I tend to not listen to these comments and focus on the ones that are more judgmental. Human beings do this. I create for myself a little bit of sabotage, so that I won't do what I need to do! Funny! Scary! Thanks to all the people that have given a little bit of their precious time to read what I have to say. I will try and handle all the information and filter them as I go along.
Now for my travelling bit. I have a feeling of joy when I think of the mountain. My body tells me I need to be there. It's like being in love. It's like waiting for a call from my beloved one. With a trembling hand I called the lady who lives in the mountain today. Of course I called the wrong numer at first! OK. I will overcome the fear and try again. And we spoke. And they will think about it. It's a bit difficult for them to understand why I should want to be with them and their animals. As long as I am truthful to myself, they will get the feeling too. They are simple, open-hearted people. I'm greatful of where myself is leading me. It's like being in love! Only this time I'm in love with myself...

Love in unexcpected places

Here I am, foolishly thinking of what my parents will say, my sister will say about me staying in a remote village in the mountains. Engaging in imaginary conversations with them, explaining myself, trying to make them understand. And then there's magic... My friend, named after a Greek Goddess, gifts me with the most wonderful remark. And I tried not to cry. Because there's love where you least expect it, a remark showing me how wonderful I am. I needed that remark so badly, that's why I cried... And suddenly I feel blessed, I don't have to explain myself to anybody. I will go where I need to go when I need to go there. I will know when the time has come to move from one place to another. I will use my intuition. My sixtth sense. Whatever the name is. I will trust myself. At least I will try!

Dream

I had a dream last night. I was on a clear shiny mountain. Crispy, fresh air. Springtime blossoming and snow on the mountain tops. I woke up with a feeling I need to spend some time on a mountain. Mountain opens up your consciousness, my teacher says. During the day, an Idea stroke me. I HAVE been on a mountain recently. I still remember the ripe lines in the horizon and the smells in the remote village. I met two wonderful people there. They had animals, made their own feta cheese and lived there. They had round faces, red cheeks, smiling eyes... They seemed to enjoy their lives on the mountain, which made me think of my life and how happy I was with it. Now that I think of it, this is my next step in travelling. I will go there. In a month from now...

New moon

Tomorrow a new moon is being born. A new emotional circle for me and for all of us. A new destination. Why do I want to travel so much? To meet people. To see how they live. To share with them all these things I know. Like the truth that they are special just the way they are. I am special just the way I am. Can I sit in front of a mirror and say that to myself? It's not that easy... The simplest truths are not easy to practice. I am scared, some people call me a hippie. What does hippie mean? I feel they want to degrade me. I am only a person who feels the need to express herself. That's all. I would like everybody to support me on this, but not everybody does. I shouldn't care but I do. Does a flower care what anybody thinks if it blossoms? Does the rat who wants to eat a bird's egg care what anybody will think if he does? Life exists and it doesn't care what ANYBODY thinks. Life is. I am.

Do you like this photo? Buy it here...

Spontaneity

Sometimes I feel like buying a plane ticket and leaving for somewhere. And then all these things come to mind like: Where am I gonna leave the dog? What am I going to do with my flat? How am I gonna leave this life that I like for another one? And then I think, that maybe I am already travelling through the paths of life. Right here and right now. I am travelling to work every day - well, not on a plane, but on a bicycle - I am walking in nature as much as I can. My mind also travels in the air, my gaze travels on a map, my imagination travels through all these countries... Asia, Africa, America... I can have it all. Here and now. Do I really believe this? Yes. This is what's gonna take me there. At least I hope so.

Do you like this photo? Buy it here...

Toward a new understanding

While I wait to see how my path towards travelling unfolds, I'm having fun. I walk in the park with my dog breathing deeply the fragrance of trees. I'm having positive conversations with loving friends. And I bought a big gym ball! I'm gonna have some fun in my living room, imagining that I'm already there: in the middle of the desert, eating a meal with the women of Siwa dessert. I just spent the day with them weaving, laughing, watching them go about their bussiness. Life is beautiful, summer is here. I promise myself that I'm gonna breath as deeply as I can and play as much as I can. Good day to all there is!

My first post

Hi everybody!

I am Elina and I am a traveller.
I have been in many places in Europe and Cairo, but does that make me a traveller?
I feel I have not travelled enough yet, because the globe is so big and so small simultaneously... What I mean is I want to go EVERYWHERE!
I don't have that much money and I don't know how I'm gonna cover the expenses, but I know this: I am Elina and I am a traveller.
If I am to believe that my Imagination and my higher self will get me there no matter what the circumstances are, then that's what I'll do. I will do as much as I can, believing that I'm here to fulfill my highest joy. And that is to travel.
It all started a year ago, when - after ten years of not travelling anywhere - I was craving to go somewhere and had just enough money to pay my rent and bills... Instead I booked a ticket to Cairo and went there for three days. Not only I spent three wonderful days in Cairo, but I also had the money to pay my bills afterwards! Magic? No, just believing that the universe will provide what I was longing for. And it did.
And then London. For four days. Wonderful again. And all the bills payed for.
Why did I start this blog?
It's gonna be my travelling diary, my synchronicity diary, to see what happens really... Here I am in 2010, in a burning, scared Athens with a light that shines in me. To visit every corner on earth! Is it going to happen? Yes it will. I'm gonna explore the possibility to create my own reality - there's more and more people coming to this understanding - and live happily ever after, despite eveybody else telling me the opposite.
I am very happy about this blog.
This is my life and this is about the quality of my life.
Thanks for reading and come back to see where I'm going next...