Πέμπτη, 27 Μαΐου 2010

Struggle

I'm struggling to stay centered. To stay centered to myself and to what my soul desires.
I was faced today with my greatest fears and my greatest disagreements.
They came in the form of my parents. They disagree.
Cleaning a stable is not their best idea of a job for their educated daughter.
They were very polite as they expressed their fears and their disagreement. While we were talking I struggled to stay centered to myself. I struggled to remember the joy I felt when I decided to go to the mountain.
I explained all my thoughts very clearly. I was expecting just a spark of recognition and acceptance. There was none. It is not something they can understand. They keep talking of money and insurance and marriage and kids. They keep talking about things that are so NOT myself.
I have to thank them, because they are questioning my decision. I have to thank them because while they were talking, I was so SURE I want to go to the mountain!
Even if nobody loves me, not even my own parents, I WILL still do what my heart tells me to do. I have followed my healing with integrity and I have made a promise to myself. I will love myself and my decisions. I will think of all the things they said. I will search deeply in my soul to see what is my higher purpose in life. I know that I will be supported by my own higher self.

Its funny, because up until today, everybody I told the news about the farm with the horses was very supportive and they were telling me that they can see a glow on my face. I was really glowing. I felt I was glowing. And then, as my teacher Jonah says, there was the opposite polarity. When you make a step to the light, there will be darkness cheking out if you really want to make that step to the light.... For me it came in the form of my parents. Thank you. I am very happy that you disagree with me. I am very happy that you say so, very openly. But I am going to go ahead with my decision.

Whatever it costs me.
It might cost me the love of mommy and daddy.
The gain on the other hand is not very clear to me at the moment. I will have to see. The gain is going to be that I'm going to be truthful to myself.

I'll wait and see.

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