Decision

I have been searching deep inside of me for answers.
What are these opposite polarities showing me? What is my next step?
I have made up my mind.
I'AM going to travel to the mountain.
The polarity was so strong because the step I'm about to take is going to be a strong healing for myself.
I still have many unsolved matters, but that will not keep me from following my joyous path...
The polarity brought me to a position where I questioned myself. I questioned all this writing, I questioned my therapy, I questioned my whole existence. Oh, how I wished to be normal again! Follow the path everybody follows, not stand out with my weird thoughts, be one of the mass, be manipulated by authority figures...

And then I remembered. I decided to heal my soul because the other path was not working, I wasn't happy with my choises so I changed paths. I was walking on territory that a few had followed up until then. I did not know where I was going. But there was a little spark inside of me that was telling me to go ahead, that I would be safe. There are times that I feel lost. I still do. But there is ALWAYS some sign. A kind word from a friend, a compassionate hug, tears running... And I don't feel lost anymore... I come back to my center. I remember who I am.

And who I am at the moment is a girl who wants to travel and live with horses on a mountain.
And this brings tears in my eyes. Because I love myself so much, that I am willing to give up on any other love, but the love to myself. I'm going to take the little girl inside me, give it a hug and tell her I love her. I'll take the little girl that lives inside me from the hand and lead her to a bright, playful place where there's only love and acceptance. Come on little Elina, let's play! let's have some fun! It's ok to have fun! Nobody's going to punish you for being happy. I will never let anyone hurt you. I will ALWAYS be there for me!