I just saved myself

I think I just saved myself from diving into a painful pattern...
There is a man in my life whom I love deeply, we used to be in a relationship, but now this relationship has transformed into a sacred friendship. Talking to him yesterday, I realised a painful pattern I have followed for the whole of my life.
I was putting myself in difficult situations to be saved by my father and not be scared of my jealous mother. Let me put it this way.
I will fall and hurt my knee. Daddy will come and hug me and tell me it's ok. Mommy will not be bothered because THERE IS A REASON. I just hurt my knee...
Don't be confused here. My parents are wonderful people. They have done their best to raise us. But there are really really subtle messages we get, so deep and unconscious that we do not realise until we make a decision. The decision to heal and see and embrace and love all the dark aspects of our personality.
So, how did I save myself? What does this mean?
I was ready to put myself in a position where I would go to the mountains - I still want to, you know - with no money, no salary, while keeping my apartment in athens and all the bills running. I would stay there for I don't know how long and I would bring myself to a position where I would HAVE TO ASK for help!
As soon as I realised all this, the lovely mountain lady declined my offer of course, saying that she hasn't got room for me and does not really need my help. I have to thank her for playing her role so accurately....
Strengthened by self-knowledge, I am now searching for something different. A JOB in the mountains! I was suprised at the speed that I found the solution. Last night I was feeling devastated by my own findings and this morning, I woke up, found the solution and spoke to the right peopple, at the right time. Nothing is fixed yet, but I am so happy! My heart sings, the energy has changed in one single night! I am indeed in love with myself! Hope you are too...