I exist in a bright reality

I' m very proud of myself. I like the photoghraphs I take, I like the words I write, I am in love with myself! I'm having the time of my life in Skyros...

It's my day off today and it was spent swimming in the sea and helping a friend find a job as a massage therapist. So I was his model and I had the priviledge of having a free oil release and relax massage on the beach! The result of the day is that I am perfectly relaxed, I am completely clean from the sea and I am perfectly happy with everything that surrounds me. Today I am the perfect example of someone who is on vacation and is enjoying every moment of her life.

My plans for the future are to write my adventures and get paid for them. Another crazy dream that I will work to bring to life. My life is a dream and I am very proud of myself. All this work for myself, all these difficult dark moments when I thought I was falling apart, all brought me into today. The happy today that is my life now. All the force and enthousiasm that is me. I exist and I travel through life with the exitement of a child. If I can make one person happy and inspired with this words, then it is all worthy.

I'll buy myself a pizza and celebrate life to the fullest!

In the middle of the summer

Tuesday 27 July 2010

Haven't written anything the last week. We are right in the middle of the summer. Being on an island like Skyros makes you lazy. The rythm slows down. Great shiny moons come and go and it even rained yesterday. It was one of these slow summer showers which give you a break from the burning sun. Great skies with big passing clouds. I like it when the weather blesses you with natural shade.

My body strength has built up a lot and I'm not stuggling with work as much as I used to. While working I enjoy cuddles with all of them and still learn about each individual horse. I think I know most of the names now! It's been almost two months that I went away from Athens. I am calmer now, my perspective of thinking has changed. When I look at the plane that surrounds us and the vast sky abive us, life suddenly becomes wider although I encounter much less people everyday than I would in the city.

Last night, at around 4 in the morning, a hedgehog woke me up! How did he get inside my room? he has been around the farm for quite a while now and has been eating the cat's food. Now we are roomates...

And my hands... they are getting harder to touch. It is a feeling I never had before in my life. No more soft hands. I own the hands of an educated farm girl.

Let me talk to you about Ira, one of the two big - not skyrian - horses of this farm. She is gentle but she can be a bit overwhelming when she gets frustrated. The other one is Pyrros, but I'll tallk about him another time. Sometimes I get to run around the arena with them making them walk, trot, canter and run without any ropes. They seem to listen to me and like me and do what I tell them to do.

One day, I was on the ground running around with a whip in my hands and Ira was walking. Fine. Then I told her to trot, again and again and she trotted. I kept asking her to trot. Then she started running in a way that she could not be handled. She was just running around the arena like crazy. She was too far away from me to hurt me, but I got a bit scared. 'Why is she going mental on me?' Amanda told me why. A horse needs more time than humans do, to understand what you are asking. Once it understands, the human needs to shut up. In my case, Ira was doing exactly the thing I asked her to do - to trot- but I kept asking her to do it. She probably thought 'why is she asking me to do it when I'm doing it already?' And she went mad! I wound have probably done the same if someone asked me again and again to do what I was already doing!

Horses do not respond to a human being mentaly, but emotionaly. I have to thank Amanda for this amazing piece of information. You see, even if I haven't been on a horse yet, the amount of information I get is precious and It is probably very useful to know a number of things before you get ON a horse.

PS All the photographs in the blog are mine. This time I am using two photographs that my friend Yannis took. The one with me and Sylvia and the one of Ira are his. Yiannis is a professional photHOGrapher. www.iamhog.com

Illusions and misconseptions

Wednesday 21 July 2010

And all I wrote and felt the other day was just my imagination. Talking to my dad proved that he didn't want to critisise me in anyway. We had a proper conversation like "how are you" and "I'm alright" and things like that. It was just my mind, playing strange games.

At this point I have a feeling I need to solve something. Something really deep. My feelings are: aggression - sorrow and a feeling everything is my fault. I can't seem to find my joy. My mind keeps playing games. Games about my family, the people that surround me, the horses that surround me, the things I ought to be doing, the things I ought to be writing... What a mess!

It must be the heat. And I cannot find anthing about myself being stressed the way I am now. I have to relax. I have to breathe. I have to reassure myself that everything goes as planned. That the difficulties I am facing are just steps to a bigger plan. And I am not understanding it at the moment. I guess it will clear up in the next few days.


Monday 19 July 2010

Swift the feelings of a moment

I'm wondering how quickly can a moment get ruined. Very quickly. In one second. I haven't spoken to my dad since he told me he disagrees with the fact I'm going to live with the horses. I feel better when I'm not talking to him.

Today, as I was walking in a very quiet road with my dog, with only the sound of air in my ears, I looked at my moblie. A missed call from my dad. I panicked. I wanted to cry. The little one got scared. I got scared of being told off again. I don't want to tell my parents where I am. They will not like it. I don't want to talk to my dad. I had to sit down in the field with the horses. i sat in front of Artemis and her foal Cicada. They where eating and I was crying.

And then I decided to leave the drama for later. I am siting here watching two lovely cretures eating. In the middle of an olive grove. The sun os setting and the half moon is up on the sky. A breeze is breezing. A crow is flying. I am exactly where I want to be. And I am crying over what? A dad that does not understand? Well done. Am I going to sit here and live out my own drama, or am I enjoy what I have decided to do? Frankly, my dear I don't give a damn. I am working towards my freedom and I am scared that nobody will love me because I am free? Yeah right... No thank you. I am strong enough to believe what I want to believe and live out what I believe. NO MATTER WHAT.

Life and love and dance and good times

Friday 16 July 2010

Love. Having a relationship where you do not expect anything and nothing is expected of you. With its ups and downs. In a relationship where both have the freedom to express themselves. It brings great joy to my heart.

Thank you to all these wonderful people who have shared the fact that they cried while reading. You remind me that life is worth living. You encourage me to keep writing and keep doing what I do.

After a night full of dancing and laughter and fun and love, with just three hours of sleep, I am now ready to go back to the remoteness of the farm. Back to the horses. Back to myself.

One needs to go back inside sometimes. And then outside. And then inside again. A never ending circle. The sea we call life. Hope your summer is as rich as mine. Please make it so. Please live out your dreams. You deserve to. Maybe no one has ever told you that you deserve the best in life. But you do.

Why? Just because you exist. I say that. My teacher Jonah says that. You should say that to yourself. Start by going in front of the mirror. NOW.

New moon yet again

Here I am. Trying to write and upload as much as I can. There's people around me. Noise. A change from the stillness of the wilderness that is now my home. The photographs I am offering today is of Marika and her foal Silvia and me and Obama, who is now gone to another field.

Tuesday 13 July 2010

Relaxation

Being content in your place. Being quiet about what I have chosen. In the hot summer I am inside myself and I am glad I have made the decisions I have made. I love myself and I am in a place of quiet and serenity.

Saturday 10 July 2010

Someone very dear to me suggested I could make money by writing. I have stopped writing straight away. It has taken me a week to write and I am only writing to give away this realisation. to change the curse. I have stopped anything I liked when it had a possibility of making me some money. What is this? Some kind of reaction? Childish reaction? Why does little Elina not want to make money using something she really likes? Because then she might not like it anymore.

Another thing that is constantly on my mind is volunteering. Working for food and shelter. I find it fullfilling and it is like healing my soul. Again another situation where I don't have to think about money. Do I come from a planet where money was not an issue? On the other hand I am very happy. Full. I have more than I need. There are horses around me and food on the table. I am free to be here or anywhere else in the planet. I am loved and appreciated. What does a human being want besides love, understanting and a full stomach?

Before I go to bed every night I take a moment to look at the stars. The vast sky up there with all these twingling stars. I have peace of mind. Simple things, simple talks, simple conserns. Taking it easy. No city running around. Lemons and pears on the trees. Spider webs that get stuck in my hair while picking up lemons. Little Sylvia, the daughter of Marika, the little foal I saw when it was born. I bend down on my knees and she finds the courage to come close and sniff me and lick me and hug me. Pure bliss.

Life is magic. Yet we get tangled up in mind games. But that is just perspective. Life is still magic whether we see it or not. And I will keep writing. Whether it brings me money or not.

Still learning

A horse will always doubt that you are boss. A horse needs to be reminded that you are boss. So if you are handling a horse you must be firm and confident. There is no need for cruelty, just firmness. A horse needs to respect his handler. So what I'm doing in Skyros is build my confidence. A confidence that I need to carry on doing the one thing I love. To travel.

There are a lot of things I'm still scared of. One, am I going to be able to pay the bills? Two, am I going to be loved and respected for doing what I do? It seems that these questions are coming in mind all the time. Especially now that I am in the city. I better relax and enjoy. All questions will be answerend on time. There's no need to stress.

Back to the city for three days

Last night I was gifted with something I never experienced before. The birth of a new fold. I was pretty sure that Marika would have her baby while I would be away. But she gifted me with having her baby girl the night before I left for the city... Amanda called me in the middle of the night to tell me that Marika had given birth. So, between my states of being asleep and awake, I went into the stable to see. The baby foal was lying there, trying to get up on its feet and Marika was licking it to clear off the natal fluids. It was so sweet... This morning the baby was standing up and drinking milk off Marika.

Being out in open field for a month now - I have started travelling on the 5th of June - it is difficult for me to get back to the hot dirty city. Its ok, I can handle it for three and a half days. Besides its nice to have internet access and a clean floor and a supermarket near. Quite trivial, one could say and I would have to agree. There is nothing to compare to nature.

Lesson

Friday 2 July 2010

I am learning a big heart lesson. The farm I am in is built out of pure passion and love for the animals. It's not about making money or any other kind of profit. It's difficult to understand how far a man or a woman could go for his or her passion. These people here live on donations. They have never asked for corrupt goverment money or any other such thing. And - as it usually happens - they always have enough money to be able to feed themselves and the horses. And the dogs. And the cats. And the chickens. They are a living example of the simple thing that every teacher has teached. They have abundance because they are living out their true passion.

The same goes with me actually... For a month now I have been travelling and I have all I need. A place to sleep, food on the table and cigarettes.

There is a little foal here called Obama and he is very extrovert and loving (He is the brown one, the other one is Cicada). While cleaning the field yesterday, I was hugging him and carressing him. As I knelt down for him to come nearer, he put his head over mine. I started crying. There is nothing like an animal, a baby animal showing affection. These horses are somehow healing me. They are giving me the unconditional love I have not experienced from other people, not even my parents. Will I ever love and trust myself the way the horses trust and love me? I am working towards that.

New post

This is the way I'm gonna do it. Post everything at once. Here we go...

Sunday 27 June 2010

Full

I am full of images. Eating fresh fish on the beach in front of the fire. Waking up on the beach and watching the colours of the sea...

And my first day on the farm. Horses, Skyrian horses which are the same as big horses but shorter. They are still magnificent creatures. And they have babies. Baby ponies, barely standing on their tiny legs.

Beautiful people run the farm. Educated, well mannered, who have chosen to live a simple life. Near horses cats and dogs.

Well tempered with all animals. In the previous farm my dog was trouble. Here, my dog is a blessing. It's the first time I see my dog sleeping around cats. And it's only the second time we've been here. I am sure we have entered a more relaxed situation.

Welcome.

Tuesday 29 June 2010

My new situation here in Skyros. It's a case of love. Let me describe yesterday's situation.

Victor the stallion is young and strong.

Marika is a mare about to have a baby. She is calm and sweet and she has a huge belly. We let her loose in the field so she can be calm and on her own until she gives birth.

While she was grazing in the field, she went a little too close to Victor's herd and he wanted to take her in his herd. He was biting her back legs and she could not kick him because of the big belly. She ended up running towards the house and he broke the fence and run after her. We had to calm her down and make a new fence in the burning sun. The people who run the farm were very protective of their mare. We don't want her to lose the baby because of this incident. The way Amanda took Marika for a cuddle brought tears in my eyes...

Everyone was very pissed off with Victor's behaviour, but that was just nature. That's what male stallions do when they are free. They try and have as many females in their herd as possible.

Things are now quiet, Marika is back at the stable and very well cared for.

All horses have personalities. All horses get the respect and caring as every being on earth should be.

I'm slowly getting rid of my fear. The horses are coming up to me, rubbing their heads in my belly, licking my face, saying hello. It's pure love. It heals everything. volunteering for this farm is an absolute joy.