I know I have to move.
Move where? Do what? I have a ticket. To Greece. Back to safety. Back to the things I know well. Back to love. Back.
Back to set priorities. Back to organize better. To leave again with a different mind setting. No more leaving with anger. No more leaving with quilt. No more leaving with uncertainty. I need to make some kind of peace.
Sometimes I do things like that. I get so anxious and scared that it will never happen, that I do it in a rush.
But now I have done it. I have already prepared the ground. I managed to spend 2 months in wonderful Italy. And I wrote all about it. Nothing will ever change that experience. I have already done it. I am a writer and a traveller. That’s what I wanted to do. I did it.
I am enriched by living in all those places, closer to nature. First, on the mountains of North Evia. Then, in the planes of Skyros. Now, in the wavy volcanic land of North Lazio. I like the farmer’s lives. Food tastes better. The air I breathe is better. Animals are very close. I don’t want to stop doing that and I won’t.
We have grown away from the earth that feeds us. We have put so many chemicals on it. But I need to educate myself by helping the ones that don’t see earth as pure income. There is art and beauty and aesthetics in nature. I have a teacher who inspires me. His name is Jonah. He always asks us to listen to our hearts. That love will lighten our paths. That’s what I’m trying to do every single day. Listen to my heart’s desires.
My next best idea is to go and help in a farm in Spain. Several farms have already invited me to join them. And I will do, after I spend Christmas with my family and friends. My journey continues.
I'm not giving up on my dream. I just want to stabilise my dream. It's still a baby and it needs to be comforted. I don't want my dream to be full of fear. I want it to be safe and full of joy, like it always is.
I have tried to find any job in Italy. I had good references to do anything, babysitting, house sitting, house cleaning, anything. But nothing opened up. And there is a reason. I'm sure there is a reason. Going back to Greece will give me some time. To organise better. I don't have any bills to pay over there and that's making my life easier.
I will continue writing aand I have faith in myself. I think it takes more courage to admit I want go back. I know I'm brave and I know I'll do whatever my heart desires me to do.