Hello from Skyros

Here I am in beautiful Skyros with my two best friends.

First night it was raining and we slept in a little church by the beach. Warm and cosy.

Second day we visited the farm of lovely amanda and stathis. Loads of healthy, happy horses, dogs and cats. Loads of love for all the animals. They treat them like their children. They take their time to train them. This is the place I want to be.

Second night the weather was lovely so we slept on the beach. And we woke up in front of clear green blue waters...

We are all calm and relaxed. I am very happy with my choice. I love myself and I brought myself into this situation. A loving, generous situation.

Saying goodbye...

...is not easy. I spent the day today showing around the lovely Dutch girl who joined us last night. We fed all the animals together and then we parted. I decided to work in the garden and not cry. I tied up the tomato plants and took the weed out. sitting down on the ground and touching the greenery. I breathed deeply and felt grounded and peaceful. Tomato plants have a strong smell. Is someone going to take care of them after I leave? I hope so.

On the other hand I can't wait for the adventure that is ahead of me! Near the sea, small horses, a new family I will get to know better... Another small village, with clear-minded people.

Have a good day.

Sadness

The last two days we have been priviledged to see dramatic sunsets and feel windy days and quick summer showers. Every minute of every day the sky changes and the clouds come and go as they please. In two days I am leaving. I feel a bit sad to tell you the truth, I will not eat the tomatos I have taken care of, althought I did taste the cucumbers and the zucchini... I will miss the horses, I have just started to learn their names, recognize who is who and notice their differences... I will miss the deer and their little baby.

On the other hand I need to move on... and I am happy for the change I am about to experience. New horses and new adventures!

Today I fed the horses by myself and I realised I am still a bit scared of them. When they fight and kick each other for food, they are very intimidating. If the horse is a symbol of freedom and adventure, then this is what I am really scared of. Although I am IN my own adventure, I still feel intimidated by it. Is it ok to be scared? I guess I have to live with the fear until it goes. I do realise my fear and they say this is the first step to heal it.

Falling

...Full of surprises indeed. I fell down on the ground today. Some scars on my right side and a bandaged finger. What happened? The male pony was left in a field with the rest of the horses and he behaved like a terrorist. Althought he is smaller, he has a brave heart. He bullied everyone else, he was chasing the big horses like there was no tomorrow! When we went to take two of the old horses for riding, he was right behind me terrifying the horse I was holding. My horse was very scared and she kicked him and I was so scared of both of them I tripped and fell on the ground.

On another level, it was not so strange. I keep hurting myself on the right side of my body. My creative side. This is a kind of punishment. I punish myself for not being on a "normal track". I punish myself for having fun. For being myself. For writing. For being strong. For not having a "proper" job. For letting my sister out of my athens house last night "by mistake". She was very angry last night and today I had to hurt myself.

Beauty

Everywhere I look, I see beauty. A leaf is perfectly formed and the same goes for the mane of every horse and a spider's web and the resin that comes out of a tree. The sun's rays playing between the plane tree. A perfectly formed cucumber and a bright red tomato. The smell of fresh oregano and wild mint and thyme.

I saw a fox for the first time yesterday. Life is full of surprises!

Quiet.... and realisations

Peaceful, quiet days, high in the mountain. Life is not as complicated here as in the city. Wake up in the morning, have a coffee and breakfast. Feed the animals, the horses, the rabbits, the goats, the deers, the chickens, the dogs, the cats. Then make lunch for the people. Food and love. For all the living souls of the farm....

I realised today that the owner of the farm has the same name as my cousin, who escorted me to England for the first time. Their name means ressurection. The four year period that followed my first visit to england, was a year full of travelling. During those university years I travelled to France, Italy and Holland plus of course the back and forth travels from Greece to the UK and back.

Maybe another such period is starting. If I compare the two people they have nothing in common except the name...This time the authority figure is much older than me and is giving me food for thought and action.

Can I really live like this for the next few years or the rest of my life? I would love to live like this. Around Greece, around Europe, around the Globe! What a dream... If I think about it there's nothing to lose. There's only experience to be gained and people to meet. I really can't wait...

Ponies

Last night we welcomed three new ponies! The dad, the mom and their nine-month-old baby girl. They are very small compared to the other horses and they are adorable! We call them the "little devils" because they have never been handled by man, so they are a bit scared and unfamiliar to the human touch. It is so rewarding when they are not afraid and stay still for a cuddle!

Parentesis: The sweet, yet controlling man who owns the farm just interupted my writing to bring me a hammock. He wanted me to clean it, but this is my midday break, so i refused to do it... Did I mention that I am glad I am leaving??

What was I saying? The ponies. I consider the ponies to be a sign. One of them is Skyrian. Skyros is welcoming me. And there was something about this wonderful lady who came with them that told me to keep writing. She was an editor! Books and horses. These are a few of my favorite things...

Everything is telling me that the path I am into, is right. Little signs, like little butterflies. Flying around me. Little colourful wings. I keep smiling.

It smells like raining again. After a very hot week it will be needed. The air is cooler and the sun is bearable.

Cool

The weather is cooling and I seem to cool off as well. Siting in the shade of a big vine I am contemplating the past few days. I understood my situation, accepted it as mine, did some research and made phonecalls and arrangements. In less than a week I am leaving this place. My two loving friends will pick me up and travel with me to Skyros. Skyros is an island with its own ancient breed of horses. I have never been there, but I keep getting information that it is beautiful.

My instinct tells me that the family who I will be staying with is less controlling. The wonderful english lady who runs the farm was very polite and clear about what volunteers do. She told me she tries hard to give some kind of conpensation to the people who work for her. She gives them riding lessons and cooks for them.

My travelling continues. A magical summer is ahead of me. I'm smiling.

Thoughts and feelings

Eleven days. Eleven nights. There is never silence in nature. There are sounds and smells. There is never Stillness. There are always creatures that fly and crawl. I have chosen to come to this beautiful place, but the environment here is suffocating. I mean the people. The authority figure who runs it. The father figure that is so much like my own father... I need to change this. I need a more relaxed environment with less controlling people around me. The effect of this place... no, lets turn it towards myself. I need to be controled to feel accepted. I need to be controled to be able to come to terms with my own decisions. I have put myself into a very familiar environment. But now I need to change that. I cannot keep making the same decisions over and over again. They don't work. I find my body aching, I find my spirit aching and I don't feel like writing. I am on the verge of depression. I need to change. I need to keep on travelling. I need to experience more.

As my skin is getting darker and the effects of the summer sun are showing, I feel I have to move on. It's the first time in a long time that I am not in the city during a hot June. I'm scared. I am alone.

Now is the time to take the little one by the hand. And lead her in a place of joy. I will not let the feeling of anxiety overwhelm me. I am strong, powerful and beautiful. I'm taking a deep breath of fresh scented air. I am going to take me out of here. The mountain and the river fairies and my higher self and whatever is out there, they are all on my side.

I will accept the help and I will get me back into my joyous path. The horse is the symbol for freedom. I have brought myself near them, to realise that strength and gentelness are natural. Horses are strong, yet gentle. I will keep exploring horses. Have a good day.

Death

Another clear thing in nature is death and birth. They happen simultaneously. Deaths I counted yesterday: A man killed two snakes. My dog killed a chicken. I broke someone's camera, which I consider a kind of death.

I am thinking of leaving this place. I have seen and done enough. I need a more loving environment. I am willing to work, but this time for someone who appreciates it. I have found my next stop, but I'll wait till I am sure before I say anything.

Riding

I am learning how to ride! And I am very good at it! Balancing on a horse is difficult for some, but I feel like I've been doing it for years... I have to thank my good horse Peter and my intructor....

Snake

After seeing a scorpion on my door last week - I'll get to that in a moment - I saw a snake today. The closest you live in nature, the easyest it gets to see the signs.
I was not threatened by the snake, it was just crossing the road I was walking on, so I just backed up and let it go it's way. And it did.

I asked my friend to tell me a little bit about snakes and what they mean. He told me the three magic words quietness - diplomacy - transformation. A snake is quiet - I have to keep quiet and don't talk to much. A snake maneuvers very quickly - I have to maneuvre through conversations. A snake changes its skin - I am going through a transformation. The fact that I did not get scared is a sign that I am in terms with these conditions.

Last week's scorpion was also a sign which did not make me feel scared. The scorpion represents the basic instinct, but an evolved scorpion becomes an eagle.

For a city person I'm very much at ease with traditionally scary creatures. I forgot to mention that I am sharing my room with a very big spider... She is not bothering me and I'm not bothering her. We are roomates. I read in an Indian book that the spider is the creator of the alphabet, the creator of a new language. She is weaving her web, she is one of my totem animals.

Have a good night!

Mornings

I love to wake up in the morning when everybody else is sleeping. It's cool and all the birds are singing. The cicadas have also begun to sing.

The deer gave birth to a little male deer! And there is also a rabbit who is waiting for babies. And a horse is pregnant. Every day is full of new information. Every day is a new day. You can closely observe the changes and the abundance that flows around you. If you pay close attention there is no crisis in nature. All animals have food to eat, they reproduct and feed their babies. There is no judgment. There's only unconditional loving.

Johan, the stud, is always happy to see me and lets me scratch his ears.

I'm so happy to be here! There is so much beauty that sometimes I feel I cannot describe it... I hope I am describing it...

Summer

It's a very hot quiet summer day.
I feel more relaxed with the situation I am here, I take off my shoes a lot. Feeding the horses is fun and also feeding the pepole is fun.
All the bugs and the butterflies are fun.
I love life.

Power games

Just as I am involved in tomato plants, I am also involved in power games.
The father figure is trying to get control over me in many ways. He is using fear, anger, sexuality, gentleness, laughter...
He is not suceeding.
The only person that can control me is myself.
I sometimes find the little one inside me fearful and stressed.
I do console her with soothing words.
I am protecting her.

The controlling game is mirrored throught my dog.
She is trying to get control over the horses. I did read that herd animals try to get power in order to go up in the ladder of hierarchy. Obviously I am trying to do the same. Gain power in the hierarchy. My dog is an intruder and horses understand that. My dog has gained power over all the other dogs in the farm but not the horses. I have to protect her, because she's gonna get killed if she tries to rule the horses.

Will I get killed if I try to gain control over the "boss"? Maybe that's not the case. Like my dog, I'm trying to find my place in the hierarchy, without losing my personality. I have to take my time.

Meanwhile, I get dizzy from the smells of herbs that grow naturally in the mountain.
Today I tried walking barefoot in the garden. My feet are not used to that yet, but I must admit they did very well. There is a sense of grounding when you walk barefoot on soil. It's different than walking on a sandy beach. You feel the rocks and the weed.

All my muscles are tired and sore, but there is a strange feeling of wholeness and strength and joy that I get when I breathe.

And the horses. The horses have been all week in a protected field where they are free to walk around and eat from the ground. Well, today they needed some food and we did something very interesting.

We filled a truck with hay and went into the field to scatter it for them. The driver was driving and I was in the back throwing food at them! I felt like a real cowgirl in my cowboy hat!

Earth

I have been involved today in taking care of tomato plants here in the farm. Tomato plants need support in order to stay high and not crawl on the ground.
How many times have I eaten tomatoes back in the city and never have thought that someone has to bend down and take care of them, take the weed out.
It takes a lot of muscle strength. It requires a strong back. It has a different smell than - say - pepper plants. And cucumber plants! they grow high but they are heavy so we needed to put supports for them as well.
As I was taking care of the tomato plants, I felt a connection. I now love them and I will be very happy when the tomatos are ready. I have developed a personal relationship with the plants!
The earth gives you if you love it.
I'm so tired, I cannot even write properly...
Physicality unstrengthens the spirit.

Strength

Today I started my day with a decision. Not to work for more than I'm getting paid for. I put on my favorite music, took my time in the kitchen, had as many breaks as I wanted. Everytime the little girl inside me was scared that she would be punished for sitting around doing nothing, I reassured her that I would be there for her.

Two customers arrived and wanted some food and I told them I could make omelet and salad. I did do my best and tried not to panic. I served them and talked with them and said that I've never done this before... Not only they appreciated my cooking but they gave me a 4 euro tip! So I do deserve to get paid for my work! Thank you universe for giving me back my strength...

In a control based environment, I try to remember that am the only one who has control over myself. I have showed what I am capable of doing and now I'm taking it back. I demand to get paid for my services.

Meanwhile, living up here gives you a sence of openness and freedom and abundance. NATURE our great mother...

Stars

It's official. From here I can see the stars. Every summer, when I leave the city, I am reminded by the simple fact that stars do exist. The city lights block the sky lights. Millions of stars up there, exist whether we see them or not. I am delighted by the fact they are up there and I can see them!

Another thing I was thinking of is making money while travelling. I was once confronted with a question by my teacher Ioanna and it still bugs me. "Who is going to pay you while you travel?" After almost two years I still cannot answer the question. Very interesting.

Here I have put myself in the following position. I am provided with my food and accomodation but I get no money. What is this worth? Being around and helping in the farm - and this means the stable and the kitchen - from 9 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon and from 5 to 10. This is 10 hours per day. If I was on vacation here, I would need 60-70 euros per day for food and accomodation and I would sit around doing nothing. I do consider it little. To be honest, I would like to get paid more to do less. I feel that, at the moment, I am in this situation in order to decide whether I like it or not.

I do enjoy it and I want it to continue but I will continue searching for a job that allows me to travel. Hope you enjoy your summer days too....

Connection

There are some connectivity problems. While feeling very comfortable with my fast internet back in Athens, here things are a bit slow. It's all about connectivity.

When one is in nature, one realises that the colours, shades, textures change every moment of the day.

This morning I had a task. To clean horse poo poo. Yes. Horse shit! It actually smells like corn and its A LOT! You need big shovels to clear it up... People might wonder why on earth I decided to come here and do such a thing. I do not wonder anymore. I find an exhitement in using my weak body for a heavy job. I will get used to it. Under the hot sun it seems like a kind of meditation. You think about many things and then you look up and there is a vast sky above you and green trees and turtles and little flowers and mushrooms and the sea far away. You realise that there is an abundance everywhere. The horses eat. From their poo poo, all kinds of animals and plants are fed. Even my city dog had a taste and she seems to like it! The goats eat all organic leftovers from humans. Re-cycle.......

I also walked to the mountain river. It was very loud and clear and there was abundance there as well... Trees covered in green. In fact, all shades of green are blending together. I thought that there must be fairies around here somewhere... And I did find a laughing tree fairy!

I love my life here! Waking up early in the morning and sleeping early at night.... Writing in my porch and sharing all this with anybody who is interested... I wish everyone went ahead and realised their greatest dreams even if thery were absurd for anyone else...

Let the travelling begin!

After a night of deep healing, the moment has arrived...
I am in a car and I am travelling towards the mountain.
Exellent weather, exellent company...
I noticed that me and my companion were constantly questioning our sense of going in the right direction... We did not know if we were taking the right turn and this magnified as we were approaching our goal. And that is something I have to work on. Because I am probably doing it in other circumstances as well.

However, our sixth sence did get us there finally. We followed the right signs and turned the right turns. It was raining heavily and the fragrances of nature were amplified.

The perfect welcome.

In the middle of large trees there lies our farm. Wooden huts, a stable and a wonderful view. The rain allowed us to relax and talk with people, because there was not much they could do in the rain.

Here, I have to make friends with a lot of new things. The mud, little insects, the horse smells, even scorpions! Yes, there was a scorpion in my front door last night... Maybe he was good luck!

I'm also trying to get to know the horses. The rain gave them a break as well. Everything is new here. The sounds and the smells and the touch of things. And the hard work. People here are doing hard things. The earth and the animals are not an easy bussiness. You have to be at one with them, before they give you something back. This is what we have forgotten. In our clean box apartments, we have forgotten that there is a whole world out there, a green and brown world which is full of life.

So I'm breathing deep and taking in all this new information.
I'm glad to be here.

Children

I had an encounter today with two children.
Curious about my dog.
Afraid of my dog.
Big eyes looking around them with curiosity.
No parents around, they were free to express themselves.
I decided to listen very carefully.
Learn from them.
They are afraid, but they want to try.
And they feel grateful for whatever you allow them to do.

I trusted the little girl to take the leash and walk around the park with me and my big friendly dog. I saw her taking it very seriously. A usual walk had become an adventure! She was proud and laughing. She had that awe in her eyes...

I wonder how much time we - adults - spend looking around us in awe, for all the "usual" things that are going on around us!
How much love and responsibility we are allowing our children. How much love and responsibility we were allowed as children. How many times other people "new better" and they did not listen to us...

Even now, in my thirties, I feel like a child. I look at the sky in awe about a great, dramatic sunset. Even now, I see blossoming trees and smell their fragrance. And I feel great! I see people smiling and I smile back at them. Like a child.

Some people don't like this very much. And they don't stay around much. They can't stand a smiling adult child. They can't stand happinness... It's a pity, but I cannot do much about them. It's their choise. I love them anyway. That's why they go away.
I kiss them goodbye...

The first day of the summer

The first day of my new life.
Actually, everyday is a start to my new life.
I realised this morning, that travelling involves a lot of waiting...
And what does one do while waiting?
One can worry, one can live creatively, one can spend their days in happiness, one can meditate or one can do nothing but wait.
I find myself doing all this...