Τετάρτη, 16 Ιουνίου 2010

Thoughts and feelings

Eleven days. Eleven nights. There is never silence in nature. There are sounds and smells. There is never Stillness. There are always creatures that fly and crawl. I have chosen to come to this beautiful place, but the environment here is suffocating. I mean the people. The authority figure who runs it. The father figure that is so much like my own father... I need to change this. I need a more relaxed environment with less controlling people around me. The effect of this place... no, lets turn it towards myself. I need to be controled to feel accepted. I need to be controled to be able to come to terms with my own decisions. I have put myself into a very familiar environment. But now I need to change that. I cannot keep making the same decisions over and over again. They don't work. I find my body aching, I find my spirit aching and I don't feel like writing. I am on the verge of depression. I need to change. I need to keep on travelling. I need to experience more.

As my skin is getting darker and the effects of the summer sun are showing, I feel I have to move on. It's the first time in a long time that I am not in the city during a hot June. I'm scared. I am alone.

Now is the time to take the little one by the hand. And lead her in a place of joy. I will not let the feeling of anxiety overwhelm me. I am strong, powerful and beautiful. I'm taking a deep breath of fresh scented air. I am going to take me out of here. The mountain and the river fairies and my higher self and whatever is out there, they are all on my side.

I will accept the help and I will get me back into my joyous path. The horse is the symbol for freedom. I have brought myself near them, to realise that strength and gentelness are natural. Horses are strong, yet gentle. I will keep exploring horses. Have a good day.

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