Thoughts and feelings

Eleven days. Eleven nights. There is never silence in nature. There are sounds and smells. There is never Stillness. There are always creatures that fly and crawl. I have chosen to come to this beautiful place, but the environment here is suffocating. I mean the people. The authority figure who runs it. The father figure that is so much like my own father... I need to change this. I need a more relaxed environment with less controlling people around me. The effect of this place... no, lets turn it towards myself. I need to be controled to feel accepted. I need to be controled to be able to come to terms with my own decisions. I have put myself into a very familiar environment. But now I need to change that. I cannot keep making the same decisions over and over again. They don't work. I find my body aching, I find my spirit aching and I don't feel like writing. I am on the verge of depression. I need to change. I need to keep on travelling. I need to experience more.

As my skin is getting darker and the effects of the summer sun are showing, I feel I have to move on. It's the first time in a long time that I am not in the city during a hot June. I'm scared. I am alone.

Now is the time to take the little one by the hand. And lead her in a place of joy. I will not let the feeling of anxiety overwhelm me. I am strong, powerful and beautiful. I'm taking a deep breath of fresh scented air. I am going to take me out of here. The mountain and the river fairies and my higher self and whatever is out there, they are all on my side.

I will accept the help and I will get me back into my joyous path. The horse is the symbol for freedom. I have brought myself near them, to realise that strength and gentelness are natural. Horses are strong, yet gentle. I will keep exploring horses. Have a good day.