Just as I am involved in tomato plants, I am also involved in power games.
The father figure is trying to get control over me in many ways. He is using fear, anger, sexuality, gentleness, laughter...
He is not suceeding.
The only person that can control me is myself.
I sometimes find the little one inside me fearful and stressed.
I do console her with soothing words.
I am protecting her.
The controlling game is mirrored throught my dog.
She is trying to get control over the horses. I did read that herd animals try to get power in order to go up in the ladder of hierarchy. Obviously I am trying to do the same. Gain power in the hierarchy. My dog is an intruder and horses understand that. My dog has gained power over all the other dogs in the farm but not the horses. I have to protect her, because she's gonna get killed if she tries to rule the horses.
Will I get killed if I try to gain control over the "boss"? Maybe that's not the case. Like my dog, I'm trying to find my place in the hierarchy, without losing my personality. I have to take my time.
Meanwhile, I get dizzy from the smells of herbs that grow naturally in the mountain.
Today I tried walking barefoot in the garden. My feet are not used to that yet, but I must admit they did very well. There is a sense of grounding when you walk barefoot on soil. It's different than walking on a sandy beach. You feel the rocks and the weed.
All my muscles are tired and sore, but there is a strange feeling of wholeness and strength and joy that I get when I breathe.
And the horses. The horses have been all week in a protected field where they are free to walk around and eat from the ground. Well, today they needed some food and we did something very interesting.
We filled a truck with hay and went into the field to scatter it for them. The driver was driving and I was in the back throwing food at them! I felt like a real cowgirl in my cowboy hat!